Ahead of Our Time? "Step Brothers" & #GMRRFFA Merge
- The Commish
- Aug 30, 2018
- 7 min read
Few movies get me hooked instantaneously when I pop on the TV Guide and see they’re on, I’m all in for the next 60 to 90 minutes of consumption. Movies like “The Other Guys” (the most underrated movie of my lifespan), “2012” and any “Star Wars” movie, and I am there. A few weeks back, I stumbled back on to “Step Brothers” (celebrating its 10-year anniversary of release) the quintessential movie I refuse to pass up, and boom! My night was set – at least until Mrs. Riff Raff showed up 20 minutes later and I had to watch a repeat of “Married to Medicine”…
In any case, “Step Brothers” is perfect in every sense of the word; not once does it take itself too seriously, you can pop in at any time and feel right at home, like seeing an old friend you have a connection with after a few months of disconnect. I dare not discuss the plot, because it’s too silly to delve in to but it’s also my biggest fear of both junior Riff Raff, neither getting a job or moving out of my house when they reach 18… In any case, “Step Brothers” is perfect just as it is, highlighting the cultural shift of millennials a decade before it was proven true. I fancy someday the Riff Raff family singing “Sweet Child of Mine” acapella-style in my 2005 two-door Civic with roll-up windows and no radio.
Comparatively, watching the first few weeks of #GMRRFFA reminded me of the insanity of “Step Brothers,” whether it’d be teams fighting it out for players in the draft like Dale and Brennan battling over a drum set, or viewing some draft decisions as insanely as a pitch for Prestige Worldwide. And if "Step Brothers" envisioned the future of millennials, then maybe #GMRRFFA can be a driving force as a new way to enjoy the hell outta fantasy football...
To that end, the first two weeks of the season, particularly the last 72 hours, was nothing short of the “Step Brothers” plot, silly insane well-acted chicanery that left me wanting more even while being exhausted from the constant roster moves. Let’s be honest; my Tuesday power rankings are already out the window thanks to one particular move…
So, let’s recap the young 2018 #GMRRFFA season the best way possible – with poignant “Step Brothers” quotes to best describe the roster decisions of the last few days and weeks…
Brennan Huff: It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
The first quote is the most obvious… your well-intentioned Commissioner wrote NINE off-season articles leading up to draft day, brought on riffrafffootball.com and the most active Twitter handle in his possession to get ready for the season, and the level of enthusiasm and engagement of the 14 #GMRRFFA owners is through the roof – the draft was the f’ing Catalina Wine mixer, and I was happy to have Prestige Worldwide be a part of it.
To my boy #Smeet! This guy had a rough draft night (and following morning), mostly due to outside circumstances impacting his decision making. An allegedly-sick child, a migraine, no one showing up to his Google chat, and a questionable strategy left #Smeet’s 2018 season in shambles… His responses to the post-draft power rankings, where he finished 14th, was comical, including:
· “Dick”
· “I’m way higher on Trubistky and Mack and Burkehead”
· “He’s gritty”
· “By the way, makes me want to vomit that I’m high on Trubistky”
· “I should have waited, I would have gotten a way better deal for Baldwin. Patience is something I am still working on”
· “I am giving you shit cause I’m deflecting”
· “Learn to psychology”
· “That’s because I’m probably the best friend any of you deserve”
#Smeet’s post-Baldwin trade meltdown was fairly epic, and #GMRRFFA owners learned to appreciate “Sensitive Pete,” a close relative to “Sensitive Matt.” There have been subsequent scientific polls suggesting #Smeet’s trade was fairly lop-sided, but just remember Dorne brought in a proven commodity who will get added targets this year, for a questionable starter in New England and a fourth option on a stacked Giants’ depth chart…
I felt a sense of optimism coming in to draft night, hopeful at finding a stud RB or WR at a modest price, like David Johnson or even Julio (after a few frustrating seasons), but alas that wasn’t the case… my FIL started the insanity, going after Saquon for $108, then the champs swiped Johnson for $132, then Julio goes to Garcia at $126… three straight triple digit prices to start before Rodgers went for a wildly-high $45 for a QB, Evans costs your illustrious commish $85, Gronk costs $67, and AJG at $97… Within 15 minutes, it became clear that there weren’t going to be discounted draft picks in this draft, and I was beaten and exhausted from the get go.
My FIL (happy birthday Granpa!!!) had a wild draft night, dropping nearly 70% of his draft budget on Barkley and AJG (maybe an overpay?), and was largely dormant the remainder of the draft. He was getting angry texts from Mrs. Riff Raff about the need to draft players (which is obvious, but let’s not tell her that), and frankly my FIL didn’t spend more than $1 on any player post-Allen Robinson ($30)… FIL waited nearly 90 players before he drafted someone again (Robinson at the 61st player, Derek Carr at 148) and he filled out a team with well-known past-their-prime players and questionable QBs. After a long draft night where I’m not sure how happy he is, he subsequently dropped $25 on two commodities – George Kittle and the Lions D – when not a single owner bid on either, costing valuable FA money for later in the season.
For Carlos, who I continue to have high hopes this season, I feel like he may have been taking advice from the wrong experts. He only spent $2 on Marquise Lee, which is nothing, but it may suggest he’s already falling in to bad habits. Despite a loaded roster, is Carlos going back to his 2017 ways, where he doesn’t make waiver claims and neglects injury updates on his roster? If this is any indication, sadly, yes it is.
Brennan Huff: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED??
This is absolutely for me, your favorite commissioner – deep in to the night-time junior Riff Raff routine, I came back to the #GMRRFFA WhatsApp group chat to Makese thinking “something was a fair trade.” Embarrassingly, I thought this referred to the Bridgewater-to-the-Saints trade from earlier, but I was caught completely by surprise to see the biggest trade in #GMRRFFA history occur – Makese sending AB and Agholor to Jonny for Mixon, Michel, Garcon, and Kupp (more on this below). For a fleeting moment, #GMRRFFA felt like the Trump White House, where if you put down your phone for 90 minutes, everything could change. I’m already petrified to see how the league dynamics shift again today, likely dating this article even as I type it. (Side note: Know a good time to take a cheap shot at me? Every night between 6 and 7:30)
This is clearly attributed to Garcia’s draft – I obviously bumped him up a few spots in the power rankings, but can we look at the masterpiece he threw out on Monday night? Call it an overspend, but picking up the grossly-overrated Rodgers and Julio was smart, adding Luck as a valuable trade piece, and picking up some strong role players – Meredith, Doctson, Bernard, and Eifert. Even more, he was brilliant with keepers, like DJ Moore and Guice. I literally look at his roster and, with the exception of Dez, who I believe is done, and there are zero holes.
Dale Doback: Haha, that's so funny the last time I heard that, I laugh so hard I fell off my dinosaur!
I know I promised to let it go, but in what world does saying goodbye to a $22 Stephen Gostowski really ever get old? I give much love to Makese, who has stayed professional and polite despite enduring one year-plus of the comments, but sometimes I have trouble quitting the pre-2018 jokes…
While Silvio learned what “journey” means in Swedish, he left drafting duties to a friend who I’ll call “Daniel” a name that sounds like the villain on an ABC Thursday night drama. (Side note: I tweeted at this guy and never heard back from him, but whatever). Let’s be honest, “Daniel” was barely present, he DEFINITELY wasn’t in #Smeet’s Google chat, and his first two moves were questionable (Does “Daniel” really have the reigning champ’s best interests at heart?). He overspent on Engram, who simply is not on the level of Gronk or Kelce, and then picked up Will Fuller despite Silvio having Nuk… I grew suspicious of his malicious intent, but it was confirmed one player later when he nabbed Rashaad Penny, even though Silvio already has Russell Wilson and Seattle has no offensive line. Let’s be honest, Penny is likely just going to be a serviceable back-up. I don’t care about the smart late pick-ups, like Keenan Cole or Corey Clement; I’m ordering an investigation in to “Daniel” to identify his personal connections to the #GMRRFFA. Is it me or are “Daniel” and presumptive favorite Galen friends? Is it true that “Daniel” is godfather to Dorne’s two kids? Did Toby really get “Daniel” a job at Silvio’s place of employment to ensure they’d spark a deep-seated friendship? Answers need to be made public. I’ll keep you posted.
Shout out to Jonny for that epic AB trade! Is there anyone who doesn’t know what they’re doing but still shines bright before the season gets underway, like the owner of Vienna Sausages? He shook up the #GMRRFFA league last night with a huge trade win, and I candidly don’t care what Twitter says. Grabbing the best WR in the league to go along with the best RB (Bell) was a stroke of genius, and I love every piece of it. He essentially upgraded his WRs – Kupp to AB; Garcon to Agholor – while only losing one starter spot (Mixon, who may, or may not be, good) with Powell providing a serviceable option. Meanwhile, I’m not high on Michel (who’s coming back from injury to a crowded backfield). Its simply the best move to make, and considering he didn’t have to give up key role players like Cooper or Burton, I’m all in on this side of the trade.
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