Before you say, "Oh God, another article from #GMRRFFA and its only Monday, guess what? You're right, and I'm thrilled to bring you an inside look from Dorne Diredonkeys' own Mark, who offers an oral history below of the most historic league trade that almost was, a colossal four-team trade that literally wouldn't have really benefited anyone. Enjoy from inside the mind of one of #GMRRFFA's most obsessed:
There was almost a substantial trade in the league yesterday. The tale of the creation, initial stages, failure, revival, and second failure is filled with enough frustration, humor, and a touch anger to make it worth sharing with the world. With Dan’s continued push to make this site the Ringer-the ringer but solely focused on one 14 team fantasy football keeper league- I’ve decided to tell this story in the Oral history format. The other parties involved have given me permission to tell there side using their messages on WhatsApp side chats. My side will have my thoughts along with my messages.
On Wednesday evening, I was chatting with Garcia. We were talking about trading keepers and what was their value. It essentially ended with us wishing Garcia had more future dollars to trade.
The Players
Wednesday
Mark to Garcia: I wish you still had money. I think the smart play is to say trade (Michael ) Thomas 4 Julio and like $40
Garcia: I would do that all day (sad emoji)
It was at this point that we had an exchange that was probably the catalyst for the whole thing.
Mark to Garcia: I may try and do that with AB. Not sure tho.
Garcia: You can do it. yesterday I was back and forth with The Sausage King of Vienna
Thursday
I was outside taking a late break. I was thinking about all the work I was going to do that day and then my notifications started blowing up.
Mark: I got no work done that day
Garcia: The Sausage King of Vienna is very intrigued by a 3 team deal, get on it
The Sausage King: 1) any interest in AB
Garcia: I told him I want Thomas, he wants CMC (Christian McCaffery)
The Sausage King : 2) any interest in being involved in the first 3 man trade in league history?
Garcia: Told him you may be interested in brown and cash for Thomas. Let me know your thoughts
Mark to Garcia: Yes. I’m in. What’s the outline?
Mark to The Sausage King : LOL. You guys are sick. I love it! Was going to approach you today. Very interested
The Sausage King : LOL very exciting
Garcia: He is messaging me now, he is willing to trade Thomas straight up for CMC. So it’s in your court, think you can get AB and cash, don’t know how much, that’s between you 2.
Mark to The Sausage King: Was thinking AB + 40
The Sausage King: I’m not sure I have $40
Mark to The Sausage King: didn’t you do 30 for Allen?
The Sausage King: I got taxed $6
Mark: Do not question The Sausage King of Vienna about the taxes, he is all over the taxes in this league. Some might say obsessed.
Mark to The Sausage King : 39? Then Garcia throws in whatever towards tax. I pickup the rest.
The Sausage King: Hmmm. Yeah gotta see if we can make this happen. Not sure I can give up AB + that much cash. (thinking emoji)
The Part Where we Realize there isn’t Enough Money
Mark to Garcia: I’m trying to get him to max out on me. You throw in the rest of what you have, I pick up rest of tax
Garcia: I have $2, lol
Mark: goddamnit!
Mark to Garcia: Thought it was a little more. We might have to get him another player to make it work.
Mark to The Sausage King: Maybe he’ll throw in a wr for you?
The Sausage King: Ok whats the absolute lowest cash-wise you’ll accept for Thomas, with you getting AB. I may ask LKA if he’s open to kicking in any cash
Mark to The Sausage King: Already did, lol. He’s got $2 (laughing emoji)
The Sausage King: Oh Man. I’d love to do this but we may have to pass.
Mark to The Sausage King: That puts me at getting 35. That’s about the limit. I think it only works with additional players.
At this point, The Sausage King of Vienna was understandably unwilling to contribute the needed future dollars to make this go. We just didn’t have enough. I f Garcia had cash it could work.
Mark to The Sausage King: If Garcia had cash it could work
Mark to Garcia: If you had money. It would work. Don’t think it goes. He doesn’t want to give up AB and the cash. For just CMC
Garcia: I can understand that, sucks. Wish I hadn’t spent all mine so quick.
The Sausage King: Yeah and I really wanted to make league history
There is Another
Mark to The Sausage King: We could get a 4th to bring in the money!
The Sausage King: HAHA and what would they get?
Mark to The Sausage King: Probably keepers
Mark to The Sausage King: I found a guy
The Sausage King: LOL who?
Mark to The Sausage King:
The Sausage Kin: MY THOUGHT EXACTLY.
Enter #Smeet
#Smeet: Possibly
Mark to #Smeet: You might be able to buy into the greatest trade of all time
#Smeet: Ha great sales pitch. I’m listening
Mark to Garcia: #Smeet may be in if he can get keepers.
Mark to #Smeet: So it’s a 4 way trade. You have to provide about 40. Would get 2-3 good keepers
#Smeet: I was told 25 but I’m still listening for details
Mark to #Smeet: 40 is what’s needed on my end. If others throw in, your side goes down.
#Smeet: So I can pick from you and Sausage (The Sausage King of Vienna)
Garcia: I need details, What is this keeper? I’m not giving up anything more than CMC, I’m fine with keeping him
Mark to Garcia: Hold on big guy. It’s very loose
Mark to #Smeet: Take a look at Garcia too
#Smeet: Boyd, Stills
Mark to #Smeet: Ok, you’re naming names so I’ll outline what’s there.
At this point I shared the outline of the deal with Garcia, The Sausage King of Vienna and #Smeet. Two very interesting things happened, #Smeet immediately tried to sabotage the deal and IRS The Sausage King of Vienna started asking pointless questions.
Mark to Everyone:
#Smeet: I think I am in. Need to think about it some more
#Smeet: I mean I’d give you 40 for Thomas. Straight up
Mark: This guy!
Mark to #Smeet: Two problems. 1. That takes me out of this year. 2. Not enough factoring the keeper status.
#Smeet: Oh I missed you get AB. Lol
The Sausage King: Is that including the taxes?
Mark to The Sausage King: Not even close to nailing that down but that probably is covered by me.
(I hate The Sausage King of Vienna)
Mark to The Sausage King: I hate you
The Sausage King: HAHAHAHAA. I know that took a lot of work and here I come “but wut about da tax tho”
The Sausage King: I’m going to bring this to my review board, but I have a feeling that might be too expensive for us
Garcia: Think you can get #Smeet to take Kirk instead?
Mark to Garcia: Maybe. Doubt it though. He was pretty hot about Boyd.
Mark to #Smeet: Are you interested in Kirk instead of Boyd?
#Smeet: Negative
Mark to Garcia: Boyd is the main driver here for him.
Garcia: If Boyd gets it done, let’s do it. Thomas for 31 next year is worth it
Mark to The Sausage King: Garcia said yes to his part
The Sausage King: so I am the hold out?
Mark to The Sausage King: Kind of. If you say yes, #Smeet and I negotiate the money. Then we all look at the final.
Mark to Garcia: Ok! The Sausage King of Vienna is thinking it over. He’s close tho. Might happen. This is Exciting!
The Sausage King: I’m trying to be ok with giving up that much for CMC
Mark to The Sausage King: A swap from me to you is doable but its got to be that (lower) level of players
The Sausage King: Still listening (hangover math gif)
Mark to The Sausage King: you add Cooper and get back C Davis
The Sausage King: I think I’d do AB + 10 or AB +Stills. Not Both
Mark to The Sausage King: Ok, I’ll see what #Smeet is up to
Garcia: it’s huge, cant wait to see everyone else’s reaction
How a Deal Dies
Mark to #Smeet: So The Sausage King of Vienna is stuck at AB + 10 or AB +Stills
#Smeet: I really only want Boyd but not at 25. Stills is meh
Mark to #Smeet: Do you like Davis or Hunter Henry
#Smeet: Davis would be a $36 keeper and cost me money now. Pass.
Mark to #Smeet: Ok best I can see is you get Boyd and Henry. Would cost you 25 plus tax. Or Boyd, Still and 35
#Smeet: 20 keeper 12 keeper 35 plus tax. Nah that helps me not at all
Mark to #Smeet: It’s a judgement play. If you don’t see it then I don’t blame you a bit.
#Smeet: I mean that’s like $80 to keep stills and Davis. Who on earth would do that?
Mark to #Smeet: I liked the Henry side better tbh. If you see something between me and you to get it there then I’m open to it but I’ve only got spitballs left.
There is a Pulse!
#Smeet: I don’t see much mutual gain. I’d rather keep the war chest and have my pick of the litter next year. I like Henry but for the 20 dollar keeper tag, too much money.
Mark to #Smeet: that’s fair. And Henry is 11
Mark: We were both wrong. Waiver wire pickups can be kept at $10.
#Smeet: Oh he’s 10! Boyd is 10! Whats the clock looking like for this? I have class.
Mark to #Smeet: No Rush. 5 seconds ago I thought it was dead.
Mark to The Sausage King and Garcia: #Smeet is going to class. Talks resume after. Thought it was dead but now there could be a path to a deal.
There Wasn’t
#Smeet: In the words of Joshua the only winning move for me is not to play
There was no deal. Without #Smeet it fizzled. I made a second lame attempt at a fourth owner but he wasn’t interested. #Smeet made a deal the following day for Boyd. One of these trades will happen at some point though. I think the introduction of future dollars makes it possible. To the owners looking to pull it off, good luck. Here is some advice, be upfront with The Sausage King of Vienna about the taxes; he will ask about it. Also, be careful with #Smeet. You will get shived like you stole his favorite JO sock in prison.
Thanks to Garcia, The Sausage King of Vienna and #Smeet. Even though we didn’t get the deal done it was a hell of a lot of fun!
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