A recurring theme throughout the illustrious history of #GMRRFFA has long been parity, and that no one team could ever break out and be considered unstoppable… that is, until 2018. In the beginning, we had Tito Galen’s arsenal of keepers rivaling the greatest of the great – currently, his WR keepers are both top 2 and cost $39 in 2018 – but he faltered early en route to a 3-3 record. Then, there was LKA!, who had heists-on-heists-on-heists when he traded for Travis Kelce and Golden Tate for peanuts (seriously, Chris Hogan isn’t even alive right now), but he again faltered and has a two game losing streak. Then, it was the Cinderella of #GMRRFFA, Makese, who knocked off LKA! last week and went in to the weekend at 5-0 facing bottom feeder Toby, and we know how that ended up.
This weekend was nothing short of upset heaven, a return to parity where anyone can win any week – aside from Fredo Maisel – and I whole-heartedly welcome back the #GMRRFFA norms, where anyone can get a win streak going and be a force in the post season (at least, that’s what I’m telling myself). Let’s catch up on what we all missed from a wild Week 6…
Tito Galen’s Return to Form
Going in to Sunday night, Tito Galen was actually losing to the Commish by a healthy 30 points, a lead of which evaporated before I even figured out how to spell the KC kicker’s last name (B-U-T-K-E-R). Seriously, by the time I returned to the game post-halftime, Kareem Hunt’s TD sealed it for Tito Galen as he won by a healthy 50+ points (Jesus)… His two WR keepers, Thielen and Adams, which cost him just $39 total, dropped 68 points alone and his third keeper, Kareem f*cking Hunt, posted another 31 points. To recap, Tito Galen’s three keepers alone this week dropped 99.6, outscoring TWO teams alone. Needless to say, Tito Galen is who I always thought he was. Aside from ATL’s D posting negative this week, Tito Galen’s entire roster eclipsed 13 points, including his kicker…
Toby Blows Up Makese
What a lost opportunity for the previously-undefeated Makese, already one game up plus the tiebreaker for the division over LKA!, he could’ve extended his division lead to essentially three games with LKA! losing. This was supposed to be one of the many easy match-ups for Makese (with showdowns against #Smeet and the Commish looming later in the season) but Toby posted a season high 132 points after four straight weeks where he averaged just 94 points. Unfortunately for Makese, the Cooper Kupp injury coupled with the Raiders no-show in London were costly, and the Kupp/Lynch/Cook combo which normally averages 46+ posted just 13 points.
LKA! Fails To Launch
Fortunately for Makese, LKA! no-showed this week, surprising nearly everyone. With Alvin Kamara on a bye , Garcia’s squad dropped a dismal 115 points (“dismal” is a relative term as Fredo Maisel would’ve taken that), 33 points below his season average. We could just say Kapri Bibbs proved a costly start (he did) in place of Kamara’s 30 points per game (the Unicorn actually beat LKA! by 29 points so I guess I could stop right here), but CMC and Kelce were also stifled, scoring 14 points below their combined season averages. In the meantime, he failed to make up ground on Makese and he definitely didn’t double up the Unicorn, as some prognosticators would suggest.
FIL Keeps Rolling
The only team that scored yet another W in the top 3 power rankings was FIL, who actually did double up Fredo Maisel (I’d spend more time admonishing Fredo today but he’s busy and won’t be available until Thursday, for which I will undoubtedly lambaste his performance). FIL scored 147 points – third highest this week – even with the following items: his kicker posting 2 points (ONE WEEK AFTER HE TIED THE 2ND-LONGEST FG IN NFL HISTORY AGAINST ME); his RB posting a goose egg; and, his Defense posting negative 6 (THE SAME F*CKING DEFENSE THAT SCORED 26 AGAINST ME LAST WEEK). FIL is proving to have the same devastating effect that Trump has on the coal industry, or Putin has on journalism, and Fredo Maisel was the sacrificial lamb this week.
Random Ramblings
I get a significant amount of grief from owners whom I don’t highlight in these recaps largely because their performances are nothing noteworthy in that particular week, but here’s a few random items to satisfy the insatiable egoists of some in the league… Dorne beat #Smeet (0-6, do I need to acknowledge this team any more?) for a two-game winning streak, but Mark has failed to surpass the league average in scoring (roughly 130 points per week) four out of the last five weeks so not sure if he should be concerned or not… I’m pleasantly surprised with the Sausage King handling Carlos by 25 points, but since he’s on sabbatical this week and likely not reading this, let’s see how he does against LKA! before I buy the hype… for the second week in a row, Stabs unfathomably failed to get a point from a WR, with Quincy Enuwa posting a negative .1 while Stabs lost to the league’s best smile, Coop, by just 16 points, all while Taylor Gabriel sat on the bench with 19 points… DeAndre Hopkins points per week since he was traded after Week 3: 35, 24, 17; similarly, his replacement on the Unicorn’s roster Will Fuller starting in week four: 15, 3.5, 5. All of which means nothing since the Unicorn’s Dead Sea is 3-0 since the trade, but its worth watching as he makes yet another miraculous run.
Previewing Week 7
Welp, its on again… a HUGE match-up brewing between LKA! and the Sausage King, with Garcia’s squad in desperate need of a win while the Vienna Sausages have a pulse and a two-game winning streak… Meanwhile, its do-or-die time for the Commish, facing his long-time snuggle bear Coop, who’s averaging just 106 points per game over the last three weeks… FIL has Toby, which shouldn’t be interesting but who knows, and the Unicorn is looking set to win four in a row over the non-existent Fredo Maisel…
Rivalry of the Week
Dorne said as much a long time ago, that he circles Tito Galen every year as a huge rivalry. This one hits close to home for both. 4-2 Dorne, two time finalist, vs 3-3 Tito Galen, ’18 likely champ… and the rivalry dates all the way back to 1996, when they started working together at the IBT. Little known fact: every Thanksgiving, the IBT offers a free turkey lunch for all employees – no surprise but a building that employ roughly 400 employees has about 1,300 people in that day for the meal – and provides all the delicious fixings and deserts, including a world-class homemade pumpkin pie from a renowned-chef… Well, in ’97, the pie went fast and all the late comers to lunch missed out. By 1998, word spread to show up early for the pie, and both Tito Galen and Mark showed up. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough pie to go around, which is no bueno for either, and when both reached for the last slice of this world-renowned pumpkin pie, chaos ensued – sort of like that Seinfeld episode where George and that dude fought over a parking spot:
In any case, the chaos turned in to a near-brawl, turkey was strewn across the cafeteria. The Lady of Dorne attempted to end the stalemate, but alas she was unsuccessful. The two sneered at each other ad nausea for 2 hours and finally, when Tito Galen faked a sneeze, Mark turned away to avoid the spray and Tito devilishly swiped the pie, and he said one thing after: “This pie is delicious dumb ass!” Subsequently, the Thanksgiving lunch was cancelled and Mark harbored his anger for a generation, much like the people of Dorne do. This week’s match-up is for the whole pie, and I’m now feverishly thinking about lunch.
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