Welcome back to the roller coaster that is #GMRRFFA, a fantasy football league where nothing is certain with one pre-season prediction your commish has made ad nausea. Week 7 posted some insane results, a record-breaking total, and some shocking Ws to break losing streaks I candidly thought would never end…
Tito Galen Stomps the Competition
For Dorne, who had been in something of a lull of late (averaging 125 points in the last three weeks even with a two-game winning streak), his Week 7 performance was really good, posting 151 points. His score was his highest – third highest in the league this week – since Week 1 thanks in part to OBJ dropping 30 and his RBs both scoring in double figures, which hadn’t happened all season. Unfortunately, he ran in to Tito Galen, who was an absolute monster in leading the league in scoring (easily) for the third straight week. Every player on his roster sans his kicker posted double digits, including SIX dropping 25+ points. Ouch… The 210 points dropped is a #GMRRFFA record in three seasons and makes me want to remind everyone we are all playing for second…
#1 with a Bullet
There’s something about being #1 in the power rankings and facing Toby that should scare people in the league. He’s beaten the last two top teams over the past two weeks, which is quite impressive for a dude who needed wins. This week, FIL finally had a clunker, which was more likely leading to the loss than Toby running up the score. FIL posted a paltry 94 points, easily his lowest of the season and 38 points below his season average. FIL’s roster just under-performed, including Allen Robinson (1 point), the Bills D (-7), and Graham Gano (0)… In any case, Toby’s 111 points was good enough for a win and also led to FIL commandeering Grandma Riff Raff’s social media, so that’s a plus:
Sausage King that Good?
I’d love to dissect why Garcia’s LKA! is riding a three-game losing streak, but my dude still posted the fourth-highest total of the week, so maybe we need to examine the recently-on-sabbatical Sausage King for a minute, right? Hot off trading AB for AJ Green and John Brown, the Sausage King was down-right filthy this week and is enjoying a three-game winning streak to boot. His 162 point total is his highest of the season, especially in light of Bilal Powell only scoring 3.5 this week. Trey Burton had his best game of the season and could’ve been better had my boy Mitch not overthrown him on like 76 passes. Not sure if all this is sustainable (Burton, John Brown at 28, Yeldon at 17) but consider me shocked that he’s doing so well.
The Pain Train Rides Again
There’s not too much to expound upon in a win when your opponent drops just 83 points (well done you salty ass Unicorn), but congrats to Fredo, who broke a four-game losing streak in a match-up he absolutely needed before he gets Tito Galen and LKA! in the next two weeks. I’m excited to have Fredo relevant again for a few weeks of shit talk and reassure me Derrick Henry is the likely catapult his team needs towards viability.
Smeet Stabs Spina in the Heart
Speaking of breaking losing streaks, can we talk #Smeet, who secured his first victory of the season over a flailing Stabs? Aside from Trubisky and Marlon Mack, #Smeet didn’t have a player exceed 12.5 but the reality is it didn’t matter. Stabs is the same guy with a quarterback who can’t fly on team planes because of health issues and LeGarrette Blount playing. He’s lost three in a row (which he’ll snap this week), but more concerning he’s only averaging 96 per game, which includes 34 points per week from Todd Gurley.
The Chill The F*ck Out Playoff Scenario
Much to the chagrin of some owners, I couldn’t help myself in projecting playoff scenarios this week, especially since we have five 4-3 teams and SIX 3-4 teams, which is straight up insanity. I won’t dive in to too many details aside from head-to-head wins, which are crucial for all included (sorry Toby, your Ws count the same but unless you tie the two 5-2 teams, you’re still in trouble). That said, here’s a few key tiebreakers at the moment:
4-3 Team Tiebreakers
· LKA – tiebreakers over Carlos, Tito Galen, Toby
· Tito Galen – tiebreakers over Dorne, the Commish, and Toby
· The Sausage King – tiebreakers over the Unicorn, LKA!, Fredo Maisel and Carlos
· Dorne – tiebreakers over the Sausage King, the Commish, and Coop
· Carlos – tiebreakers over Tito Galen and Stabs
3-4 Team Tiebreakers:
· Fredo Maisel – tiebreakers over the Commish and Stabs
· Commish – tiebreakers over the Unicorn, Toby, and Coop
· Coop – tiebreakers over the Sausage King and Stabs
· Toby – no tiebreakers
· Unicorn – tiebreakers over Coop, LKA!, and Toby
· Stabs – tiebreaker over Tito Galen, Fredo Maisel, and the Sausage King
This obviously will sort itself out (at least I hope so), but its frigging crazy – among the 3-4 teams, the Commish would be the 8th seed if the playoffs started today but chill the f*ck out – we still have 6 weeks of action…
Week 8 Preview
Notice the fantastic segue way to a quick Week 8 preview? There’s absolutely no way to ignore any match-ups this week, largely because even the 5-2 teams – FIL and the artist formerly known as Cinderella – are on losing streaks so let’s just regurgitate the schedule and save myself some excruciating research:
· 3-4 Commish vs 3-4 Stabs
· 3-4 Coop vs 4-3 Carlos
· 3-4 Toby vs 4-3 Sausage King
· 5-2 Makese vs 1-6 Smeet (Upset special???)
· 4-3 LKA! vs 5-2 FIL (could be a monster loss for the eventual loser)
· 3-4 Fredo Maisel vs 4-3 Tito Galen
Oh, what’s that? I’m getting lazy and forgot something??? Hmmm… let me lead in to something worth researching…
Rivalry of the Week
This one was pretty easy and by no means a stretch to unpack the rivalry that exists between them – we have a dreaded rematch of the 2017 #GMRRFFA championship this week, with the Unicorn squaring off against Dorne following his dramatic six-point win that ended Mark’s dreams of a back-to-back championship on Christmas Day last year.
A quick re-cap revealed both teams still had a shot heading in to the last two games of the Week 16 NFL schedule, with Mark actually holding a seven-point lead and Jared Cook playing the night game; meanwhile, the Unicorn had the almighty DeAndre Hopkins in the early game. After three quarters of a Steelers blowout win, Hopkins sat at 6.8 points before adding 10 more (including a touchdown) to finish with 16.5. Later, Dorne needed just 8.6 points from Cook against Philly (ironically, exactly what Cook averaged in 2017) to secure a win… unfortunately, aside from a 2nd quarter reception, Cook wasn’t targeted at all (seriously, just one target) and the Raiders turned the ball over on 3 of their final 4 possessions in an ugly loss.
Needless to say, Mark is a few targets or a lack of garbage time stats for Nuk away from having a two-year run of dominance in #GMRRFFA, and this week, he’s out for blood in the Dead Sea...
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