Greetings Riff Raff faithful - are we ready to hit the home stretch? Week 9 is coming fast, and soon after, we have to start talking playoffs. That said, its Thursday, GMRRFFA is on schedule, and that means power rankings, whether you enjoy them or you're an ass clown who doesn't. This week, not much changed at the top and we have a special, very unsolicited message embedded somewhere in this column from a very, very special guest, so let's tackle #14 so we can just move on to teams that matter...
14. Bad Journeys (Smeet)
Record: 1-7
Last Ranking: 14th
Analysis: He continues to lose, but hats off to #Smeet, where an underlying theme remains that he’s at least competitive. If he hadn’t surprised Stabs in Week 7, I’d bet my house, kids, and the remnants of my 401k that he’d beat me this week in our rivalry match-up. With that lone win, I’m only willing to bet the junior Riff Raff that he sabotages my team this weekend.
13. The Pain Train (Fredo Maisel)
Record: 3-5
Last Ranking: 13th
Analysis: Fredo has essentially thrown in the towel, adopting the Smeet manifesto for 2018 and selling most of his assets last week. I give the man props for some savvy moves – getting Engram and future draft dollars for Graham was smart – but the Pain Train also parted ways with the immortal Chris Hogan, whom he traded Golden Tate for once upon a time… My favorite recent subplot of 2018 is the bet between Smeet and Fredo about who does the best with their stacks of draft dollars in 2019. I like this league. I also like Fredo’s keeper options too – Goff, Golladay and others for relatively cheap.
12. Hurdy Gurley Man (Stabs)
Record: 3-5
Last Ranking: 11th
Analysis: Once upon a time (week 5), Stabs was a legit contender, starting 3-1 on the season and the Commish exclaiming things like “[Stabs] could be 7-1 before we even know it.” Ummm… that didn’t age well. Instead, Stabs dropped his fourth in a row this week despite an impressive 140 points. With two weeks of zero points from one or more WRs and a serious lack of consistency from anyone beyond Todd Gurley, its been a tough decline in the rankings over the last few weeks, and the vultures are circling to pick up Gurley and other assets on his squad. Candidly, it’s a pretty shocking departure from what the Commish anticipated to be a very competitive squad at the onset of 2018 but Deshaun Watson’s early season regression along with under performing WRs hasn’t benefited the one-time contender.
11. In Bob Mueller we Trust (Toby)
Record: 3-5
Last Ranking: 8th
Analysis: Hats off to Toby, who once again put up a formidable performance against one of the elite (the Sausage King), despite falling by 14 points. After back-to-back wins over two 6-win teams, he had a shot to throw his hat in the postseason conversation. Candidly, like Smeet, he’s been competitive the last few weeks, averaging 121 points over the last 3 weeks compared to just 99.5 in Weeks 1 through 5. I’ve enjoyed his WR dilemma the last few weeks, particularly the suddenly-resurgent Larry Fitzgerald, whom he missed starting in Week 8 and the 28 point-performance would have given him a win. On the other hand, the Doug Baldwin starts are also a lot of fun, leading to comments like:
In any case, a tough bye week schedule for Toby against Coop this week – Wentz on the bench leaves a gaping hole at QB…
10. Dead Sea (Unicorn)
Record: 3-5
Last Ranking: 9th
Analysis: Its tough to drop the Unicorn too far down the power rankings after he lost to the top performer last week (Dorne at 158 points), but he’s got a huge match-up against 4-4 Carlos this weekend with his new roster. Even without Zeke, he’s got solid RBs – both Kerryon Johnson and Latavius Murray should continue to perform – but I think the WR piece may be a concern. Even with the newly-acquired Tate on the team, the former Detroit WR’s fantasy value is up in the air with the Eagles and I don’t know if Tyler Lockett and Danny Amendola are long-term solutions in his line-up. If the Unicorn is going to compete for a postseason berth, these next 3 weeks are make-or-break, facing Carlos, Stabs and Smeet, who have a combined 8-16 record, before FIL and Tito Galen to close out the season.
9. Denver ponyboys (Carlos)
Record: 4-4
Last Ranking: 7th
Analysis:As I stated Tuesday, I have no clue what to make of my brother-in-law’s season, which has been all over the place while his weekly output has dropped every week since September. That said, he still has some studs in Luck, Gordon and Hill and I guess I can forgive him for not knowing who ‘Nuk was when I proposed a trade earlier this week. Also, I know he’s gotten a lot of heat in the league (allegedly), which led to a plea from FIL to stop picking on Carlos last week…
That plea presumably fell on deaf ears, as some compared him to mediocre LOTR villains and short jokes abound about a solid tio. To my surprise – and I’ll leave it at this – I received this unexpected message from Grandma Riff Raff yesterday:
8. Kerryon my Wayward Johnson (Coop)
Record: 4-4
Last Ranking: 12th
Analysis: After a much-needed win over Carlos in Week 8, Coop remains competitive and, after he was maliciously attacked in the Riff Raff Ramblings yesterday, particularly snarky:
His line-up won last week despite Drew Brees scoring 9 points and his team posted its highest score in five weeks, so I anticipate an uptick in his performance moving forward. Even better for Coop, he’s got the easiest schedule over the next three weeks, facing 3-5 Toby, 1-7 Smeet and 3-5 Fredo. I don’t wanna prognosticate too much but he could realistically be 7-4 by Week 12 (I may have jinxed him, sorry boo).
7. Trubisky Business (Commish)
Record: 4-4
Last Ranking: 10th
Analysis: Fresh off my first two-game winning streak of the season, its win-or-go home this week against Smeet for the illustrious Commish. I’ve suffered tremendously throughout the year, whether it’s the no-kicker-scoring or the deluge of too many RB1s, or the continuing onslaught of abuse suffered at the hands of my owners, but the Commish has to win this week… my final four match-ups have a combined 17-12 record, and a brutal bye week schedule next week against LKA! That said, and perhaps surprisingly, the Commish is averaging 132 points per week, fifth best in the league, and hasn’t posted a score below 120 points – something only he and Tito Galen can boast this season.
6. Team Motley (Makese)
Record: 6-2
Last Ranking: 6th
Analysis: A too-close-for-comfort win over Smeet stopped a two-game losing streak for the former Cinderella, but do not ignore the brutal nature of his remaining schedule – five opponents all of whom are in the playoffs if the season ended today. Considering the Sausage King, Tito Galen, and FIL are his next three opponents, losses to Carlos and Smeet earlier this season hurt. Also, his roster is a shell of a title contender, as the Sausage King noted, while his bench includes a second kicker and two WRs averaging a combined 9.2 points per week.
5. Lights Kamara Action! (Garcia)
Record: 4-4
Last Ranking: 4th
Analysis: If Dorne had lost last week, LKA! would’ve remained number 4. He had some bad beats in Week 8’s loss to FIL, which included 6 points combined from three of his starters, but he still only lost by 7 points with Zeke and Julio Jones on a bye week. I’m reluctant to ignore his current four-game losing streak, but LKA! still boasts Brady, Kamara, Zeke, Julio, AJG and Kelce in a normal starting line-up so you can’t really consider him a non-contender until the season is officially over.
4. Dorne Diredonkeys (Mark)
Record: 5-3
Last Ranking: 5th
Analysis: With Michael Thomas on a bye and Sammy Watkins’ 32 points on the bench, Mark still easily posted the highest total of the week in an easy win over the Unicorn, and he’s the only team Infinity Stones Division team in the top five league wide in scoring. His line-up remains nasty, boasting the #1 QB in Mahomes plus one of the best 3 or 4 WR groups in the league with Thomas, OBJ and Jarvis Landry. Two likely areas of concern? Tight end. Gronk is a shell of his former self, serving mostly as a decoy, and Eric Ebron already looks like he’s playing 2nd fiddle after one week of Jack Doyle back in the Indy line-up. Additionally, his RBs have remained the surprise of the league; AP is 2012 AP but not sure how long that lasts honestly. Nick Chubb is also a nice piece but the Cleveland issues place a question mark on his productivity.
3. Dude Where is My Carr? (FIL)
Record: 6-2
Last Ranking: 3rd
Analysis: Obviously, fantasy football is about luck as much as skill, computer data systems be damned! FIL survived starting Blake Bortles against LKA! for a pretty important W in Week 8 and now he gets to ride the Ryan/Barkley/AB train for the duration of the season (after Barkley’s bye week this week). But man, is it a brutal three-game stretch for FIL: Tito Galen, Sausage King, Makese. The Tito Galen match-up should be interesting, as the Big Gronkowski is out-scoring FIL by 27 points per week. FIL’s RB sitch this week is an albatross – Frank Gore and Duke Johnson combined score 14 points per week on average. By comparison, Tito Galen’s third best RB – the benched David Johnson – outscores both players by a half point.
2. Vienna Sausages (the Sausage King)
Record: 5-3
Last Ranking: 2nd
Analysis: The Sausage King probably has the best RB duo in the league – Conner and CMC – sorry Tito Galen - but his WR/Flex situation is dubious despite this high ranking. Keenan Allen remains solid (and I expect a stellar second half for him), but the concerns in Baltimore need to be addressed, where both John Brown and Buck Allen are part of the Vienna starting line-up. Brown continues to get targets – 61 this season to lead the Ravens offense – but he hasn’t exceeded five catches more than once this season despite Flacco throwing for 300+ multiple times. Meanwhile, Buck Allen is averaging just 2.6 yards per carry and hasn’t had more than three attempts in his last three games. For fantasy purposes, Brown had 28 points in Week 7 against the Saints, but otherwise hasn’t broken double digits since Week 4. Allen has only had double digits in two of his last five games. It may not be time to ring the alarm bell on the Baltimore offense, but when that does happen (and it will), the Sausage King is stuck with the likes of Chris Ivory, Christian Kirk, Trenton Cannon, David Moore, and Josh Adams on his bench.
1. The Big Gronkowski (Tito Galen)
Record: 5-3
Last Ranking: 1st
Analysis: Literally zero surprise here. Tito’s worst performance this season was Week 8, where he posted 130 points – in a win. That 130 points was still better than eight other teams and still better than the league average on the season by three points. Gulp… This remains a stacked line-up. His third best RB (the benched David Johnson) is better than the best RB on FIVE teams and his fourth best RB (Lamar Miller) is better than 12 RBs in starting line-ups across the league in Week 9… This is before I even mention his WRs. The lone issue may be tight end, where Njoku played 83% of Cleveland’s snaps last week and wasn’t targeted once… Browns gonna be the Browns…
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