Greetings, Ramblers! It’s good to be back. As you may or may not know, I’ve been on sabbatical this past week in Puerto Rico. Vacation is an interesting exercise in this league, as it is so active, something is literally happening every day. But alas, Mrs. Sausage made me promise not to do any work while we were away, unless it was absolutely necessary. As loyal readers, I’m sure you know just how dedicated I am to the league and this column. So every time she caught me staring at my phone poolside, or sitting at a restaurant with delicious mofongo dinner or digging my toes in white sand beaches, it was always fantasy. Whether was the group chat, looking over rosters ad nausea, the Twitter account or reading my cohorts new posts at www.riffrafffootball.com, it was always fantasy.
So considering I was away and could not devote 100% of my attention on fantasy, I am going to go through the highlights of what I may have missed. Not necessarily for your benefit but for mine. I apologize for nothing.
Tuesday 10/16/18:
Group Chat: It’s minutes after midnight on the East Coast and the groupchat is still breaking down Monday night’s GB victory over San Fran. Like I said, this league never stops. A few takeaways:
Apparently, Dead Sea has won 3 in a row. Mental note: Start taking him seriously.
Tito Galen had Thielen and Davante Adams as keepers. Mental note: Continue to take him seriously.
Other than that, the chat is relatively quiet, and by quiet, I mean with the usual references to taco bondage sprinkled throughout the day, just like every other group chat. Nothing to see here.
Twitter: The @GMRRFFA account posts a commissioned portrait of the league owners. I don’t understand what this is or why it happened, but I assume it is funny to fans of Jack Ryan novels.
The Site: Over at www.riffrafffootball.com, the Commish posts his weekly recap, but at this point I have been travelling with 2 small children through 2 different airports for 13 hours (Commissioner's Note: I did the DC to PR trip - its a three hour flight but math isn't the Sausage King's strong point). If it isn’t obvious yet, I did not read the recap.
Wednesday 10/17/18:
I wake up in a villa on Puerto Rico’s west coast to a beachfront view, meanwhile:
Group Chat: For a guy who’s blood pressure goes up anytime anyone in the chat mentions talk of Other Leagues, the Commish is surprisingly okay with uploading pictures of white squirrels to the chat. Easy pass.
The League: A quick peruse of today’s transactions, it is Waiver Wire Day after all, reveals that the league has been experimenting with angel dust, as that is the only possible explanation for picking up the Chargers DEF for $25, Peyton Barber for $109 and the Cardinals DEF for $51. Upon seeing this, I realize that I should be drinking more.
Twitter: In lieu of my column, the Commish posts a perplexing video clip of what appears to be a blooper reel of Bob Villa reading obscenities into a cell phone camera.
Thursday 10/18/18:
The Site: This week’s Power Rankings are announced and, as per usual, I am horribly underrated. The others won’t realize my greatness, until its too late and I hoist a printout of the digital mockup of the championship belt the designer will send us at the end of next season.
Twitter: Happy Belated Birthday, Team Motley! You’re a great guy and I apologize for whatever happened in your childhood that you’d be ok asking for retweets as birthday gifts It’s not your fault. IT’S. NOT. YOUR. FAULT.
Friday 10/19/18:
The Site: It’s a Smeet mailbag day. I feel kind of bad for that last question about the friend who was selfish about the macaroni and cheese. Anytime Smeet writes, “excuse me while I sleep in the shower and drift in and out of consciousness”, you have to assume the worst. But then again, Smeet has conducted some disturbing experiments with alternatives to toilet paper, so I never feel comfortable assuming anything about him. Ever.
The League: Big day for the league as we all find out that Jags just traded for Carlos Hyde and the rest of the league finds out that I let Antonio Brown go for A.J. Green/Josh Brown. I am ecstatic at the prospect of owning AJG for the rest of the season.
Saturday 10/20/18:
The Group Chat: “How many of you had a real doll?”
Sunday 10/21/18:
It’s game day, so obviously, I spend the morning getting a proper British breakfast complete with bubbles and squeak, tomatoes, mushrooms, eggs and homemade pork sausage, at a bed and breakfast perched on the side of a mountain. At some point, I check on my match-up, see Cam has 6 points going into the 3rd quarter and decide to take my family to a locals-only beach on Puerto Rico’s southern shore.
Monday 10/22/18:
Twitter: According to @GMRRFA, I won my matchup against LKA only because of the Antonio Brown deal. Clearly, I am the smartest man alive. I will always love you, A.J.!
Group Chat: I leave Puerto Rico tomorrow and really need to start packing, as I kick off a 14 hours of traveling tomorrow with a 2.5 hour drive across the island. Luckily, Smeet and Toby begin an extended conversation about building computers, conveniently removing any temptation for me to check my phone for the next few hours.
Tuesday 10/23/18:
The League: After only 4 days of ownership, I trade away A. J. Green. Clearly, I am the dumbest man alive. I will always love you, A.J.!
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