Riff Raff Ramblings: GMRRFFA vs Marvel, Part 1

The Commish
Nov 14, 2018
4 min read

In honor of a great man, a creative genius who fostered the imaginations of countless readers, an icon who affected my life in a way that he’ll never know, this week’s Ramblings are dedicated to none other than Stan “The Man” Lee. Obviously, better, more heartfelt tributes have been and will continue to be written, that’s not really our strong suit here. But I’ll be damned if we don’t celebrate him in our own special way here at GMRRFFA.

For a man this important, how about a two parter? Done. How about we do an old fashioned superhero team up (GMRRFFA x Marvel) and we figure out who everyone in the league would be in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Done. How about we talk about something I want to talk about? Done and done.

Looking at the Infinity Stones Division, in order of the current standings:

Dude, Where’s my Carr/ FIL - Arnim Zola

Anyone remember this guy? He’s the Swiss scientist, Red Skull henchman from that miserable first Captain America solo movie. If you recall, he shows up again in a very much improved Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier. A subtle subplot in MCU is just how well they rebounded from a terrible intro film, into arguably what is the best set of solo movies for any of their characters. I am not sure, how or why, but in Winter Soldier, Zola shows up without a body and stuck in some kind of old computer. And if you’ve read FIL’s recent Owner’s Profile, you’d already know he’s all about the algorithms. Spoiler Alert: For some dumb reason, Zola stalls for time, talking off Cap and ScaJo’s ears hoping that the missiles Hydra just shot at the base, will blow them all up. Not entirely a bad plan, except for the fact that Zola ADMITS TO CAP HE’S BEEN STALLING FOR TIME BEFORE THE MISSILES GET THERE. HE JUST GOES AND TELLS THEM. Anyway, let’s hope FIL thinks things through better than this chump.

Dorne Diredonkeys/ Mark - Spiderman

Fitting for the most likable person in GMRRFFA, I mean who doesn’t love Spiderman? The plucky attitude, the cheesy one-liners, ummm the boyish good looks. There’s only one owner who fits that description and that’s Mark.. Despite his sense of humor, Spiderman is a heavy hitter in his own right, and with a strong power set that needs to be taken seriously. Having a lineup with Mahomes, Michael Thomas, OBJ and a surging Nick Chubb is definitely one not to be taken lightly. Bonus: Even though we are talking about the Tom Holland MCU version here, do we all remember that scene from the first Toby McGuire Spiderman where he has the upside down kiss with MJ (a very toothy Kirsten Dunst)? Are you picturing it yet? Now given the recent events in the groupchat where Smeet is falling hard for Mark, we’re all picturing that scene but with Mark and Smeet instead, aren’t we? AREN’T WE?

Hurdy Gurley Man/ Stabs - Hulk

This one’s an easy one. Can anyone name a player on Stab’s team not named Todd Gurley? Didn’t think so. That being said, with him in play, you cannot ever count Hurdy Gurley Man out. Bonus: If you have ever played across from Stabs at a beer pong table, you’ll recognize that he makes the same face Mark Ruffalo is making here, regardless if he is winning or losing. And just like fantasy, it’s usually losing.

Denver Ponyboys/ Carlos - Rocket Raccoon

Ummm, there’s like a lot of reasons why Carlos and Rocket Raccoon are similar, and definitely not just one main defining one. Hmmm, let me me think. Given, the warnings from both of his parents, I just want to make sure I word this right. I definitely don’t want what I say to be misinterpreted as picking on Carlos. Rocket’s like really smart and really cool, and obviously that’s what you think of when you think about Carlos. Oh and most obviously, Rocket and Carlos are both known for being really like, you know, really “likable”. They’re definitely way more “likable” than your average-sized person. Can we just skip to the next one?

The Pain Train/ Fredo Maisel - Agent Phil Coulson

WHOA!!! DO YOU SEE THAT BLUETOOTH EARPIECE?!?! Is it just me, but doesn’t Agent Coulson look an absolute badass in this photo? Like he’s definitely winning all this week’s sales rewards at the telemarketing firm he sells magazines for, amirite? Although Agent Coulson, met his end pretty unceremoniously way back in Avengers 1, he did manage to resurrect himself and find success elsewhere, starring in Marvel and ABC’s ill-fated Agents of Shield series, which, as a lifelong comic book fan, you could not pay me to watch. As I’ve mentioned in past Ramblings, Fredo is hedging his bet this season, playing (and winning?) a different game. A game where wheeling and dealing to get the most dollars, not points, decides who’s the winner. Enjoy Hollywood and your success on the big screen Robert Downey Jr and Chris Evans, Phil Coulson is on a moderately successful network television series. So there.

Dead Sea/ The Unicorn - Drax the Destroyer

If you’re familiar with such nerd things, you know that Drax is actually stronger and way more powerful in the comics, than he is in the MCU films. Because he was actually genetically engineered to be the perfect champion, designed solely to take down Thanos himself, Drax used to be able to do cool stuff like fly in outer space and shoot energy blasts from his hands. But in a change from the original source material, Marvel Films decided to full-on neuter him and make him a bodybuilder with knives. Similar to Drax, the Unicorn entered this season heavily favored to do some major damage. But having other plans, the Unicorn decided, instead to neuter himself and trade away 2 of his Big Three, in DeAndre Hopkins and Ezekiel Elliott. (Disclaimer: In early trade discussions, he described his players as the “Big Three”, not me. I never asked who the other Big was, but I can only assume he meant Russel Wilson.) However, unlike Drax, he is very self-aware of the decisions he’s made to hamstring his chances this year.