Riff Raff Ramblings: Road to the 'Ship

Greetings, Ramblers! If you haven’t heard yet, yours truly has made it to the GMRRFFA Championship game (Commissioner's Note: Its Riff Raff Bowl III damn it)! As the season comes to an end, come take a walk with me down memory lane through the important milestones and thought processes the Vienna Sausages have gone through to make it this far in 2018.

Aug. 27th - The Vienna Sausages’ journey begins here at the auction draft. I keep Bell, planning to build yet another team around him. He is our franchise. I fully remember being upset paying up $20 for a QB with Cam, but I make myself feel better knowing for sure that I have just drafted Trey Burton, a future TE superstar. Also, I remember using a cheat sheet to draft Joe Mixon and Sony Michel, but having no idea who they are.

Aug. 29th - I’m really high on acquiring a RB who runs angry (I’m an idiot, but at least I know what I want to root for). Consequently, I am very high on Marshawn Lynch and Leonard Fournette. That, coupled with the fact that I don’t know who Joe Mixon is, Team Motley (Lynch owner) and I begin trade talks. Somehow, I end up with Antonio Brown and Nelson Agholor, giving up Mixon, Sony Michel, Cooper Kupp and Pierre Garcon. Based on not knowing anything about the first two guys and remembering I had Garcon on my team 10 years ago, I'm ecstatic. And right here, based on the high keeper price tags on Bell and AB I am fully committed to make my run for a championship this season, next year be damned.

Sep. 5th - The Bell stalemate has me in full freak out mode. The linchpin I have built around is now in danger of missing the first few weeks. The season hasn’t started yet, but I am prepared to pay any cost to grab little-known Bell handcuff, James Conner. The season hasn't even started yet, but I put a $126 bid on him, 42% of my total FAAB budget for the season. Next highest bid? $55.

Sep. 25th - At 1-1 and still hungry to make more high-profile moves, I reveal to Garcia my interest in CMC with a proposal for him and Aaron Rodgers (for Cam and AB). He declines. This will go on for weeks.

Oct. 7th - A downward slide with Week 3 and 4 losses to Coop (thanks, Calvin Ridley and his 40 something points!) and Stabs (What drugs was I taking that I thought Case Keenum would be a good streamer), a 1-3 record has me on tilt. The Commish cuts right to the heart of the matter in one of his recaps that Buck Allen and Bilal Powell are not adequate RB2s. Desperate for a win, I pick up Alfred Blue off waivers, who scores 19 points in a win against Fredo, kicking off a five game winning streak. Without Blue, I lose this game. I am a genius.

Oct. 21st - Feeling the momentum of a possible win streak, I begin looking ahead to my Week 7 match-up against Garcia, painfully aware that Bell and AB are on bye. This is a guaranteed loss, unless I make a move. However, FIL’s algorithm calculations are agreeable to trade me AJ Green for AB. Despite feeling like its a loss overall for me, I desperately want to manufacture a win this week and close the deal. AJ scores 20.7 points as a Sausage in a 23.4 point victory over the Artist-Formerly-Known-As-Lights-Kamara-Action! Clearly, I’m still a genius.

Oct. 23rd - Four weeks and ten proposals later, CMC IS FINALLY A VIENNA SAUSAGE!!! I lose AJG, Yeldon (Fournette is returning soon) and Amari Cooper (back when he was on the Raiders, I never knew when to start him). This was my least favorite proposal for CMC, but Garcia and I had been playing footsie for too long. Terrified a deal will never happen, I reluctantly pull the trigger. Fortunately for me, AJG gets hurt shortly after and is a non-factor for fantasy purposes for the rest of the season. I’M THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!

Nov. 1st - Reality is setting in that Bell may not play at all this year. Up until now, the plan I have been telling myself is to sneak into the playoffs and Bell will come in and kick everyone’s ass. Desperate to get anything of value for the $92 I have already invested in him, I field offers from Dorne, Garcia and the Unicorn. In the midst of all these offers, I climb into even more debt for next season, agreeing to pay Fredo for Mark Ingram. I am hopeful that I have finally found a lock for my FLEX. He then proceeds to score 2.6 points. Clearly, I’m an idiot.

Nov. 18th - High off a five game winning streak and the media buzz surrounding our team, decisive losses to playoff contenders FIL and Tito Galen put me firmly back in my place. Also during this stretch, while I am out of money, other teams ramp up their spending and trades. Doubt that we don't actually have a chance to compete in the playoffs begins to creep. An extensive owners meeting is held to discuss 3 agenda items:

1. Moves to increase our odds of winning the championship this year;

2. The possibility of tanking to make the losers bracket with the goal of winning the tax money to offset the heavy 2018 spending; and,

3. Franchise tagging Conner and CMC.

Also its worth mentioning, during this time, Carlos and I begin serious trade talks where I give up Conner for Melvin Gordon. This would help him out as he can’t keep Gordon next year and I begin looking ahead and perceive the Panthers and Chargers have ideal schedules for a run in the fantasy playoffs. Grabbing Gordon would be a clear help-me-now, hurt-me-later (in 2019) move, but as I mentioned, this is the period where I was struggling which would be the best move for the team. Luckily for me, Gordon gets injured and removes the decision for me (which is how most good things happen for me).

Nov. 28th - Trade deadline. With many teams interested in his playoff schedule, I spur of the moment become okay with trading Cam away. Uncomfortable with the Ingram portion of the Kamara timeshare, I see an opportunity to shore up my FLEX. Realizing I have 2 tradeable assets in Cam and Ingram, I broker last minute deals with Fredo and the Unicorn (great band name, btw), where I get Russell Wilson, Breida, DJ Moore and cash for next year. Russell is a clear downgrade in my eyes (Commissioner's Note: LOL), but Breida is a sure start for FLEX, having Moore helps hedge the loss of Cam (maybe I still get his points if he just exclusively throws TD’s to CMC and Moore?), and the cash helps me with my cash dilemma for next year. Immediately after this trade, Cam ages 30 years and is a walking corpse in every juicy match-up. Bullet successfully dodged.

Dec. 16th - The 2nd round of the playoffs ended and I’ve survived by the narrowest of margins with a combined margin of victory of 10.6 over the past two games. It just goes to show that you just need to make the playoffs and anything can happen. I only beat Makese because three of his starters inexplicably combine for .1 points in the first round. Saquon Barkley does this Giants fan the biggest favor and scores his season low in my game against him in Round 2.

So there you have it. For anyone who didn’t read all that ( I don’t blame you, but when you have a weekly fantasy column, you get to talk about yourself incessantly. Just ask the Commish), here’s the TLDR:

• Spent half my FAAB before the season started to get James Conner;

• Timely rentals like Alfred Blue, AJ Green and TJ Yeldon helped me manufacture at least 3 wins;

• Persistent trade talks lands me CMC;

• Pure luck helps me avoid the detonation of injury landmines with AJG, Melvin Gordon and Cam Newton; and,

• Make the playoffs and anything can happen.

For anyone still around reading this, thank you for following our journey. The Vienna Sausages have had a great run but like all things, it must come to an end. Heavily outmatched and having used up all our luck, this week is the end of the road. That being said, the Sausage franchise is truly honored and proud to be the sacrificial lamb in Garcia’s 2018 destined championship. As another active owner, he’s made admirable moves acquiring major pieces like Kelce, Zeke and Gurley. Bravo, Garcia! Masterfully played. I look forward to being the first person to congratulate you as the 2018 GMRRFA champion!!!