The Most Pressing Questions About the 2018 Campaign: A June Column About Nothing

Phew… it’s quiet out there, I mean real quiet, and I was looking at the calendar and I thought, its been a long time since Smeet and the Commissioner dropped a slew of off-season content on your undeserving souls. Then, I found myself exchanging Twitter battles with Toby as to whether a Brazil/Switzerland draw was that big of an upset (it wasn’t), and I ultimately prevailed when Toby sourced a Wikipedia page.

Over the last few months, I found myself absorbing all the OTA podcasts, whether Dez Bryant will be playing in Cleveland, and comparing CFL games on ESPN to NFL (I almost wrote a column); and then it hit me… we’re literally 56 days (EIGHT WEEKS) from the 2018 campaign commencing with the Keepers deadline.

In the quiet doldrums of the offseason, I realized I was really looking forward to the season; not just for my own quest to win an elusive championship, but also for all the many underlying questions pressing the league, and without ado here’s the most pressing Qs (and ANSWERS) as we move in to the 2018 campaign (note that I am making zero Gostowski-specific comments)…

Can Dorne continue his dominance?

At some point, Dorne isn’t going to be a dominant force in this league, right? One championship and runner-up, Dorne is essentially paying for Christmas presents off his winnings from the owners of this league. We are two seasons in, but Dorne already has a 21-12 record overall – three wins more than anyone else – plus FIVE wins already in two postseasons. Let’s not pretend its luck even if it’s a small sample size, but that begs the question of whether we will see Dorne continue his dominance next year.

Last year, Dorne made some shrewed moves – like keeping Michael Thomas for peanuts and spending big on Devontea Freeman – while adding OBJ and Jordy Nelson in the draft (his 2017 campaign looks even better now, right?), but I’ll question whether he has the pieces on the front end this year. Aside from Thomas, there’s no discount for Dorne, as he can keep either Freeman or LeSean McCoy for around $80. His lineup has studs, but the cost might be a bit more than he could handle, compared to the 2017 draft. Nonetheless, don’t sleep on this guy; he’s proven he’ll do whatever it takes to get his kids Christmas presents…

Which bottom-feeder is primed for a breakout season?

This is tough – I’m essentially looking at 3 owners (Matt, Carlos, and Makese), all of whom are the butt of most of my jokes for obvious reasons. First, they all lacked discipline and vision last year – Matt letting his wife draft while he drove, Carlos for never making a roster move for like 12 weeks, and Makese for keeping Gostowski (d’oh, I tried)… Then, you look at their eligible keepers – the best of them: OJ Howard for $12 and Theo Riddick for $29 (Matt); Jimmy Garapolo for $10, Fournette for $68, and Melvin Gordon for $39 (Carlos); and, Kenny Britt for $17 (Makese)… Ugh, seriously, all three rosters are littered with the crap remnants that surround the toilet, though Carlos obviously has the best opportunity with the talent available.

That said, I can’t believe Carlos is primed for a breakout season. He doesn’t follow the league, and only pays attention when he gives me his ESPN password for trades. If the season was three weeks long, it’d definitely be Matt, but his ongoing sourness at one or two bad weeks makes him susceptible to a mid-season malaise… To that end, its gotta be MAKESE. One, there’s no way he makes the keeper equivalent to dropping your phone in the toilet TWO SEASONS in a row. More, he’s angry; tired of the ridicule he’s suffered for the Gostowski keeper, I fully expect an engaged Makese this season, an owner I fully plan to trade Nick Fowles for a stud mid-season, in part because he’s such an Eagles homer…

Will Smeet every write again?

Smeet, the James Cameron of Fantasy Football mailbags

Honestly, I don’t know. The best comparison to a Smeet mailbag is Avatar. It took years for the original to come out, and its been years since a sequel was discussed. In any case, I’m pretty certain we can anticipate another Smeet mailbag by the 2020 season, just in time to answer your questions on the presidential election, OBJ as a player coach, VR Snapchat subscriptions, and talking pet plants…

Is someone in DC going to take the reins and schedule a draft party?

If Toby had volunteered, I’d have no faith. That said, I still have no faith despite leaving this on the table for two months now.

Is Galen’s stacked keeper line-up the team to beat?

There’s a reason Galen pushed for more keepers in January’s rule change votes. Thanks in part to pre-draft research and a little luck, his roster is stacked with effective (and cheap) keepers – Kareem Hunt for $20? Davante Adams for $20? Adam Thielen for $19? Evan Engram for $12? Four studs, maybe one tough decision, but Galen can have up to 3 top performers by position for barely $50 before the draft even gets started. Does that make him the team to beat? Maybe, he still needs a few more playmakers but sound decisions in 2017 make him a team to beat in 2018.

Of these two up-and-down owners – Coop and Garcia – which is the best bet to break in to the upper echelon of the league in 2018?

These guys man, I never spend enough time on Coop or Garcia and their fantasy football fortunes. Coop is the epitome of up and down, winning and losing multiple games in a row through both seasons of the league. Garcia? He’s a formidable mind, one not to reckon with lightly despite an abysmal 2017 campaign. Coop has a bad year last year even while making the playoffs, with tough luck on his roster (Jordan Reed) and a horrendous necessity to keep Jameson Crowder from 2016 because he simply didn’t have any other horses. This year, his best options for keepers include Jared Goff at $10 or Cam Newton at $20, coupled with a lot of high-priced second year running backs (Joe Mixon at $46 or injured Dalvin Cook at $51). Ultimately, the owner in better position has to be Garcia, with Alvin Kamara at JUST $12 (thanks Jon) plus Jack Doyle for $13 and Tarik Cohen at $10 among other cheap options. Garcia lacks a homerun hitter – sans Kamara – but the top-three back for dirt cheap is the only reason he’s more likely to bounce back.

How pissed is my father-in-law going to be with me during this season?

On a scale of 1 to my organizing the first ever 90-minute veto of trade that proved actually balanced? Probably infinity. Unfortunately, there ain’t going to be any new grandkids to soothe his fury towards me, and the repressive texts about lopsided trades will probably only increase, especially as his team takes a down turn in 2018 (seriously, his team was Antonio Brown, his 2018 team will probably be AB at $189 and a high dose of Mike Wallace every week).

Who’s the most controversial/toughest keeper before the August 13th deadline?

I wrote about the toughest keeper decisions in May (forgive me but I don’t know how to link between emails – but trust me I’m working on that), and I settled on AB at $146, LeVeon Bell at $92, Fournette at $68, Kelce at $47, Rivers at $43, Fitzgerald at $40, and Tucker at $20… Ultimately, I think its probably Bell. $92 for a RB who doesn’t attend training camp and has an injury history is DANGEROUS, but the only way anyone wins in this league is with a top talent, which Bell is. In the running back space, he’s the most consistent stud. Of the 4 RBs that eclipsed 300 points last year, the others were Kamara, Hunt and Gurley. All legit but no one knew that they’d be that good. In 2018, do you spend on a (likely) top performer in Bell, or take a chance on a 2nd round draft choice suiting up for the Patriots?

What am I going to be spending 2,300 words writing about following championship weekend?

I’d love to say it’ll be about my continued rise to championship glory, but I’m being realistic – 2018 is Galen’s season to lose. As I noted above, his team is already loaded and oddsmakers would have to say he’s the proverbial favorite to win the championship. I’m not sure we will ever see a more loaded pre-draft team in the history of the league, and I’m comfortable presuming he’s penciled in to the championship… Toby should probably get him the trophy he’s been working on now.

Secondarily, I am 10000% confident I’ll be writing a mea culpa about a trade gone awry mid-season on my part. I apologize in advance.

How could this league be more electrifying?

Honestly? I’m not really sure. I grapple with this league on a daily basis as to how to keep it fresh and exciting while recognizing there’s really nothing to discuss in June of any year (Editor’s note: we are 1,500+ words in to a June column about nothing as we speak). That said, I’ve got some ideas – and I’m thinking about sharing them with all you jabronis, but like the league draft in 70 days, you’re going to have to wait patiently for the announcements.