Unsolicited Advice Heading in to 2018

Listen Owners, we are there – 50 days until the 2018 season officially kicks off and all of you can resume looking forward to Tuesday recaps and analysis from yours truly. This is the exciting time, when all of us can buy in to the fact that we could be legitimate title contenders. In 2017, 9 teams had a chance to make the playoffs heading in to the last quarter of the last game of the regular season – optimism reigns supreme, especially in a league where parity in the most potent factor (or is it?).

In 2017, a five seed won the championship; in 2016, it was the incredible run by the 8th-seeded Dorne Diredonkeys. The only thing certain in this league is that anyone – anyone ­– can make a run to win the title. That said, with the keeper deadline just weeks away (August 13th) and the draft a mere two weeks later, I think each owner needs to recognize their weak spots, and respond effectively in 2018 to ensure title contention.

With that, I’m offering the best advice for each owner leading up to the dramatic 2018 season below – if you don’t agree, write your own article. That being said, as a parent, unsolicited advice is frowned upon, but these babies need to be shared. So, here we go…

The Commissioner - Patience

Candidly, he needs luck, but since that can’t be controlled, how about some mother f*cking patience? Notorious for always wanting to make a deal, have you all reviewed those deals and subsequent track record? The commish made more than 15 trades, and nearly a hundred more offers, but take a look at what he gave away: Robert Woods for James White; Evan Engram STRAIGHT UP for Wendall Smallwood; Dak Prescott for LeGarrette Blount… yikes! He may have made some solid trades, but he gave away 3 very good players and/or assets for 25 cents on the dollar. Making trades isn’t always the smartest move, and keeper options are now at a minimum for the commish considering Woods ($12), Engram ($12), and Dak ($20) were all on his roster earlier this year…

Stabs – Don’t Spend Big Money on Quarterbacks

Forgive Stabs for his naivety last year, his first in the league, but he spent MASSIVELY on keeping Aaron Rodgers for $84 (the most of any QB by far), all but hamstringing his draft budget leading in to the ’17 campaign. This year, he already gets it, keeping a stud RB for $64 while keeping cheap yet productive pieces for minimal cost (Marvin Jones, Devin Funchess). This year seems different already for the second-year owner, and its something to be concerned about for everyone else playing for second place (see below).

Makese – Exercise those Demons

Guys, its time to let go of the colossal WTF Gostowski Keeper from 2017. In turn, Makese needs to let that kicker walk this offseason and rebuild around an impressive roster of keepers, like Kendall Wright at $10 or Torrey Smith at $11. He has some cheap and expensive options, but he (and all of you who continue to remind him that he paid $22 to keep Stephen Gostowski last year) needs to move on mentally and emotionally from what’s been a scarring fantasy football experience.

Toby – Stop Getting Railroaded on Trades

He’s fun to rag on, but Toby is also an easy mark for getting lampooned with one-sided trades, and it has to stop! This past season, he sent away Travis Kelce and Big Ben in uneven trades; the year before, he sent away Julio for peanuts. We love Toby, his inability to fulfill simple league responsibilities, and his constant WhatsApp participation, but he needs to stop getting rolled in to offers, especially when he’s still viable for the post-season when these trades go down.

Matt – Seriously, Let Your Wife Do Your Draft and Roster Moves

I mean, we discussed this previously, but Matty’s wife actually did a FANTASTIC job on his draft while he was driving: AJ Green, Diggs, Gronk, Rudolph, Murray, Duke, OJ, Vikes D… I mean, Matt’s post-draft roster was one of the best in the league. He subsequently dropped James White, traded Rudolph for Desean Jackson, dropped Murray for Nelson Agholar and dropped Duke for Andre Ellington, all before the season started. Ouch…

Garcia – Recognize Bad Luck Happens

I’m the first to highlight the acumen of Garcia’s fantasy football skills. We’ve spent nearly a decade facing off, and there’s nothing but respect for my brother. His 2016 3rd place finish was quickly dismissed following a beleaguering 4-9 2017 campaign. But let’s be clear – bad luck played a major role in that. Matt Ryan disappointed, Jordy Nelson never really performed, Latavius Murray was pushed aside following the Dalvin Cook injury. But, Garcia was savvy enough to grab Kamara for a cheap Keeper salary while Christian McCaffery remains a solid RB1 in 2018. He spent big on Tarik Cohen ($152!!!) which sent panic throughout every Jordan Howard owner’s body… He’s set up for a strong campaign and the bad luck of 2017 likely has passed as we move in to the new year.

Dorne – Keep Doing You

What advice can I offer an owner who has been in the championship twice in two years, posted a 5-1 playoff record, and has the most wins of any owner (21)? Really, not much aside from keep doing you. He’s got some tough Keeper decisions looming – McCoy for $80? Freeman for $81? – but he exceled with solid 2016 keepers like Thomas for $12. He lacks a ferocious QB but guess what? You can get top 5 QBs for under $22 in this league… Right, Makese?

Coop – Don’t Let Work Get in the Way of Things that Really Matter

Look, Coop works hard, he travels a lot, especially in the fall right around fantasy football season. His time in the league has been appropriately labeled a roller coaster, starting strong, having MAJOR losing streaks, etc. I could pin it on his inability to make smart roster decisions, or his unwillingness to make mutually beneficial trades with the commissioner, but the reality is he posts way too often about watching corn hole tournaments on ESPN 2 at 11 pm in some EBF New England town because he’s on the road. Coop, listen to me – tell your boss you need every Wednesday night and Saturday night to focus on what really matters. Not love, not hockey (congrats on the Caps), not family… stay focused on one of the few championship belts that matter (Note: “Belt” here is figurative because Toby refuses to follow up on his league tasks). You can be a champion; just don’t let work get in the way.

Jon Del – Stick to Your Strategy (Even if it Wasn’t Planned)

From the onset, Jon del’s 2017 was a mess, missing the start of the draft and letting the computer pick-up David Johnson for $127 while having Le’Veon Bell already. It got worse, remember dropping Kamara and the unfortunate Chris Thompson injury? That said, Jon was in great position to make a play for the championship if not for a poor roster drop plus crippling injuries. If Jon adds two of the top 5 RBs to his team again (Bell and say Lesean McCoy?) plus finds a few stud RBs as sleepers, who’s to say he won’t be battling for second place (like the rest of us? See below)?

John M – Don’t Forget the Roster is 9 Players, not One

God bless my FIL – he’s a great sport despite the amount of agita his son-in-law inflicts upon him almost daily. A miraculous playoff run was cut short in the quarters, but his team literally was a one man wrecking crew (Antonio Brown). In fact, he only had three other starters average double digits, which is pretty anemic. Hopefully, John M recognizes the value of spreading out his cash on some real assets that perform this year beyond the best player in the league (Brown); imagine if he had a few more pieces heading in to the playoffs, where he wasn’t far off from upsetting Dorne in 2017?

Silvio – Reconsider your Keepers

Keepers all but ensure an out-of-the-gate advantage to the best owners (see the last owner below), but recognizing market value is also critical. The reigning champ is all but certain to keep Hopkins ($78), Wilson ($24), and Zeke ($85), all of whom are studs. That said, I’d argue he’s probably paying too much. Wilson was the best QB in 2017 with 26.4 points per game, but there were other talented QBs posting comparable numbers on the cheap (he traded one – Wentz – last year). Even more concerning, paying $85 for Elliot may be much more hazardous especially considering the lack of offensive weapons in Dallas this year (can any one name the Cowboys’ 4 tight ends? Did you know that Tavon Austin will be featured in their offense?). Meanwhile, Hopkins’ 20 points per game last year was 2nd best in the league, but Larry Fitzgerald at 17 points for nearly half the price comparatively might make sense. (Note: these are thoughts from the 3rd place finisher to the champ, so whatever)

Carlos – Simply try Caring

Don’t ever forget that Carlos made ZERO free agency acquisitions through six weeks of last season, but was a respectable 4-2 before the “Trade that Wasn’t, Part 2: A Family Affair” (wish I could link back to that email) was blown up. Looking ahead, the Colorado kid has a loaded lineup that will make him competitive right out of the gate, but his generally blasé attitude towards the week-to-week team management continually needs improvement. Here’s hoping he can combine the talent on his roster with an at least average roster management strategy this season.

Smeet – Spend Money to Make Money

Smeet was the shocking story of success in 2017, coming minutes away from capturing the #1 overall seed in the playoffs despite a lackluster week-to-week run. His epic six game winning streak is one of the best in league history, but his big problem? He didn’t spend his money in the draft. Instead of going BIG on a top WR or RB, Pete collected a fine assortment of role players and assets, but only spent more than $42 on one player (Doug Baldwin at $63). Of the four semifinalists, three spent more than $75 to acquire a big name marquee guy (and the 4th is the prohibitive favorite to win 2018 – see below). The GMRRFFA is like the NBA; role players can make you competitive, but stars win you championships.

Galen – Don’t Stumble as the Frontrunner

The Hillary Clinton of our league, the prohibitive frontrunner is already certain to receive the figurative championship trophy this season. I’ve made it clear – and all of you agree – Galen’s already got the BEST roster in league history. I feel 1000% confident saying all of this. His keeper options are stacked – Hunt at $20, Adams at $20, Engram at $12, Thielen at $19. Galen’s only challenge this year is stumbling against CLEARLY inferior opposition this fall. Congrats Galen because you deserve the crown, belt, trophy and all of our money. Stay Golden Champ-to-be!!!