Hey Owners –
Guess who’s back??? THIS GUY! First, thanks to everyone for their kind words and sentiment last week following a loss in my family; I was fairly shocked that only one of you sent me a snarky note about a delayed (eventually non-existent) weekly recap, but it clearly came from love. In any case, let’s dive in to the week that was and get straight to what we all wanna know: playoffs!
(In advance, I re-read this and realize there’s a lot of Makese references. It wasn’t intentional to my boy, but if your team is tied to Makese in this wrap-up, that’s probably not good)
Close Calls
Let’s be clear, on Monday, I prematurely indicated that only one match-up this week was still undecided. Jon’s Vienna Sausages clung to a slight lead over the Wholesale Porn Dealers, who still had Doug Baldwin to play. Meanwhile, Makese held a solid 50+ point lead over ANUS. The Vienna/Porn Dealers and Makese/ANUS results would have huge impacts on the playoff chase, so how surprised was I (not really) when Silvio stormed back with 55.4 points from Russell Wilson and Jimmy Graham, to best Makese by just 3 points. The epic comeback guarantees Silvio’s spot in the playoffs plus puts him in prime position as a 4th/5th seed, as opposed to dropping down to 7th if he had lost.
Wait, don’t forget about that Vienna/Porn Dealers game, where Pete had to sweat Baldwin out for most of the night before an epic climax where Baldwin produced a touchdown on Monday night, ensuring Pete’s spot in the playoffs and doing insufferable damage to Vienna’s postseason and likely psyche.
I May Have Spoke too Soon (again)
Remember when I was claiming that the two divisions where fairly balanced and competitive, especially at the top end? Welp, I think the playoffs might begin to suggest otherwise. Right now, the Fire Division has FIVE teams over .500 and a 6th claiming the 8th seed in the playoffs. Meanwhile, the Fury Division is on hiatus for the remainder of the season. Stabs and I maintain some dignity, putting up 7-4 records overall – though 9 of the 14 wins come against inter-division rivals and collectively we are just 5-4 against the Fire Division. More concerning, Stabs and I are just 1-4 against the division since Week 4 (yikes!). Some of that is bad luck (I lost to Pete by less than 3 last week and Stabs lost to Makese when Rodgers went down), but the league is trending towards the Fire – the Fury Division is 14-25 versus the Fire Division overall this season (four of those 14 came against 2-9 Makese), and only one Fury Division team (Trubisky Business) has a record over .500 against the Fire (and that’s just 3-2). As we speak, 4 Fire division teams currently have a 3 (or more) game winning streak; in the Fury Division, no team aside from Stabs has more than a 3-game streak ALL SEASON… Jesus, I need to drink before the playoffs…
(Side Note: Remember angry FIL? Good news! I think he likes me again, mostly through my undeniably-effective charm.)
Stay Golden Ponyboy
Also: Remember that controversial trade we vetoed for Carlos and his dad, John from STLU? That may have been the end of Carlos’ season. He went from trading Dak Prescott for one top notch WR to go along with Watson, Fournette, Gordon, TY Hilton, Zac Ertz, and Pitt’s Defense (which would’ve been a BEAST Line-up), to basically watching (or tuning out, I really don’t know at this point) his season go down in flames. Watson tore his ACL, Carlos never swapped out Ertz or Fournette when they were benched a few weeks back, and has subsequently folded up shop, not even adding a kicker this week in his loss. This one is a case of what could have been – Carlos had all the momentum in the world after Week 6 with a record of 4-2 with a shot at his division and posting some of the highest weekly scores in the league. Subsequently, he’s lost five in a row (like Makese) – one shy of the longest losing streak EVER in this league – and is pretty close to calling it a season.
Trade Deadline & Keepers
A quick reminder the trade deadline is next Thursday, November 30th at 12:00 PM Eastern Time – additionally, because one owner was unaware, each team can keep up to THREE players next year. Now, on to the playoffs…
Where We Stand
So, I spent 45 minutes yesterday playing scenarios in light of both a Pete or Jon win in Monday Night Football, and woke this morning to literally scrapping everything when I learned Silvio won, and I’ve since re-did this and here we are… a quick reminder that the first tiebreaker for playoffs and seeding is head-to-head wins (especially when everyone faces off against each other), but in case of a tie among 3 or more teams, the next tiebreaker is total points scored, etc. so be mindful if 3 or more teams finish with the same record.
That said, here’s where we are – top 8 advance. With two games to go, 6 spots have been punched to the big fake postseason football dance and essentially 5 teams are hustling for those last two spots, including one who needs something of a miracle. Let’s take a look at where things are currently:
1. Dorne (9-2) – They are in the playoffs and their magic number is 1 (win or Gronk loss) for clinching the division and top seed overall over Galen’s angry yet confused about these unexplored emotions Gronks.
2. Kaeptain America (7-4) – They are in the playoffs and will need at least a tie over Trubisky Business to win the division (via head-to-head wins).
3. Hey, where’s the party Gronks (8-3) – They are in the playoffs, but need to win out plus two Dorne losses to have a shot at the division. Also, Stabs holds the tiebreaker over Galen in case of a tie for number one overall seed via a Week 3 head-to-head win.
4. ANUS (7-4) – Clinched a postseason berth with last night’s huge win with an outside shot at a division title by winning out coupled with two losses by both Dorne and the Gronkettes.
5. Wholesale Porn dealers (7-4) – In the postseason with last night’s huge win and playing mostly for seeding purposes over the next two weeks.
6. Trubisky Business – Clinched a postseason berth with a win this past week and a shot at the division title (but not an overall #1 seed). Needs to be ahead of Stabs at the end of the regular season (not tied) due to Stabs’ head-to-head win.
7. STLU (6-5) – John Morabito hasn’t clinched yet, but he controls his own destiny. One more win and he’s in, especially against 5-6 Vienna Sausages this week.
8. ATHNN (5-6) – Coop slips in to the 8th seed due to the Jon/Pete results, but he’s far from comfortable. He has a lot of scenarios to get in (or out) but first and foremost he needs to win. He has head-to-head wins over Vienna and Dumpster fire but he has a loss against Carlos, so he needs to stay ahead of Carlos and at least tied by the end of the regular season.
9. Vienna Sausages (5-6) – Currently out and in trouble, particularly because Coop has a tiebreaker over him. Jon needs to win and he needs to NOW; this week’s STLU match-up is essentially a win-or-go-home. A loss doesn’t end his season, but it makes things real tough, especially if the ponyboys win.
10. Denver Ponyboys (4-7) – Not out but its tricky. Carlos has head-to-head wins on Coop and Vienna, but being a game behind makes things precarious. That said, he probably needs to win out along with at least 1 loss by BOTH Coop and Vienna.
11. Raging Dumpster fire (4-7) – I’m shocked we’re even having this conversation but here’s Toby… but God does he need help. First, Coop, Vienna, and Carlos have head-to-head wins on Toby, so first, he needs to be one game clear of the others, meaning he needs to win out. THEN, he needs BOTH Coop and Vienna to lose their final two games + Carlos to lose at least once. Other than that, Toby is here and in the mix.
The Week Ahead
We have some big match-ups, especially the STLU/Vienna Sausages match-up, which is as close to an elimination battle as it gets when its not really. Toby’s on life support facing Stabs, who needs a win so at least one team from the division wins something this postseason. While playoff spots are set, I’m looking forward to the new Cold War between ANUS and Trubisky Business, who are re-arming for a late season run, and the Dorne vs. Whole Sale Porn Dealers match-up means someone’s winning streak is coming to a close.
Good luck to everyone!
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