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  • Writer's pictureThe Commish

Week 5 #GMRRFFA Recap: A Week of Miracles and WTFs


Just because...

Doubly good news Riff Raff fans! First, my phone was demolished last night before MNF thanks in large part to an unnamed junior Riff Raff member, who will clearly be paying for a new one this afternoon from his exorbitant savings account. That was good news mostly because you didn’t have to read any #GMRRFFA tweets so you’re welcome with the gift of time. Second, and much more pertinent, I’m stuck in a TWO HOUR meeting this morning and you will hence get a rip-roaring analysis of Week 5, which literally blew my mind when I finally had a chance to see the final scores this morning…


We’re diving in to the premiere match-up of the week which left us with just one undefeated team (and its not who you’d expect), the one-touchdown performance of the week and why that makes me hate fantasy football, an exercise in what happens when a wide receiver isn’t utilized, Drew Brees brings the heat to Dorne, and the “Someone’s Gotta Win” Bowl.


Team Motley Does the Unthinkable

Before we get in to specifics of Makese’s remarkable win this week, can we begin by remembering that this team was ranked 14th post-keepers when he spent money on two quarterbacks in a league trending away from overpaying the position? A line-up of Big Ben, Marshawn Lynch, Sony Michel, Jared Cook, Cooper Kupp, and Demariyus Thomas is perfectly sound, but is that really a 5-0 team in this league, or any? Apparently so, but kudos to Makese for putting together a team that runs up points when he needs them.

Now, what happened in Week 5 was nothing short of a miracle, as Makese knocked off super-power LKA! by just three points, even when superhuman Alvin Kamara played Monday night needing just 10 points to ensure a Garcia victory. Subsequently, Kamara dropped just 7 points (after dropping 40+ last week), and Makese sweated through a long Monday night to take control of his season – it’s a huge win, especially as both teams are in the same division. Reminder that tiebreakers are determined by head-to-head wins, not overall scoring, so Garcia is actually now two games – not one – behind Makese.


The Commish Does it Again

A friendly reminder that no matter how much I talk about the love I have for fantasy football, I secretly hate it, thanks in large part to my performance versus FIL, where I lost by a humbling 28 points… First, on FIL’s part, he of course scored his highest total of the week at 157 this week, thanks in large part to the Bengals Defense scoring two touchdowns for the first time since October of 2013, giving FIL 26 points, or double Cincy's previous season high of 13 and following two straight weeks of negative points. Meanwhile, Graham Gano kicked a 63-yard field goal, tying the second longest in history, to score 19 points, ironically more than double his season total.


Meanwhile, the Commish actually had a decent day, scoring 129 points and all but one player hitting double digits. In fact, even my kicker scored 10 points but there’s got to be a wrinkle of WTF-ism in my life, and there is, as my team only notched ONE touchdown all day, a Kirk Cousins TD pass, and hence a 28-point defeat. That had me thinking, so I dug in and learned that even the worst teams in our league have scored at least one non-QB touchdown this season in each weekly match-up, and no other team has scored less than two touchdowns in a given week… FML…

Stabs Tries Something Different

I love Stabs’ creativity, running a three game winning streak in to the ground while seeing hypothetically what happens when a team doesn’t get points from Wide Receivers in a weekly match-up, and man it wasn’t good. Brandin Cooks and Quincy Enuwa dropped goose eggs and the second-best team in the league was subsequently housed by Carlos in Week 5. The Cooks concussion is simply bad luck, but there has to be concern with Enuwa, who didn’t catch any of his five targets in a game where the Jets actually ran up the score. Like the Commish’s no-kicker experiment, Stabs’ no-wide receiver strategy is likely short-lived.


Brees Brings a Heat Wave to Dorne

I may have prematurely believed that Dorne would have an easy win after Sunday, even in light of Drew Brees playing Monday night for Coop’s Kerryon my Wayward Johnson. Down by 45 points, Coop’s trajectory improved dramatically throughout Monday Night Football as Drew Brees threw an assortment of touchdowns and accumulated passing yards. But, Brees came up just short, posting just 35 points, mostly because of Mark Ingram goal line touches and some third-string QB getting jet sweeps. Tough luck for Coop, but I enjoyed knowing Mark was sweating out Monday night.

Someone’s Gotta Win, Right?

I know everyone is high on the Unicorn, as evident by his ranking in last week’s league-wide power rankings vote, but did we all see his Week 5? Yes, the Unicorn has two straight wins, but his opponents over the last two weeks failed to break 100. Even worse, for the third straight week, Unicorn failed to score the league average of 129 – 102, 116, 106 respectively – so this isn’t like a well-oiled machine. Aside from Wilson and Zeke, no player on the team broke 12 points this week and while he’s back in the playoff hunt, a visit from an angry LKA! this week probably ends that winning streak for the Dead Sea.


Week 6 Preview

It’s a fascinating week ahead, and probably the most intriguing match-up is Tito Galen and the Commish, who is absolutely desperate for a win. Both are 2-3 but Tito Galen is dropping 17 more points than the Commish every week. Meanwhile, FIL looks to run his winning streak to five, as he faces a sliding Fredo Maisel, who is hemorrhaging after a three-game losing streak… In a match-up of the shortest owners in the League, the Sausage King and Carlos are also battling after both won key Week 5 match-ups.


Rivalry of the Week

Don’t let the records tell you otherwise, but the big rivalry here is Makese vs Toby (1-4). On paper, this is a no-brainer W for Makese, but the on-again, off-again bromance is playing for keeps this week. Notably, they don’t live together, but their bond is strong – very, very strong – and for some reason they adopted a puppy together. While tension doesn’t boil to the top, there are serious concerns surrounding an upcoming custody battle between the two for the adorable puppy, affectionately called Makese Jr. In order to avoid high legal costs and be tied up in courts for the foreseeable future, the two have decided to settle this in fantasy football. This week’s rivalry is unequivocally the Puppy Bowl and to the victor goes more than just a W; Makese Jr. is coming along as well.

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