America, we are back for our weekly power rankings, and I can tell you this: On this fine October morn, I am a new man! My faux celebrity status is at peak form today, thanks in large part to my first podcast ever with my new best friend, Joey Bag ov Donuts. Hope you get a listen but more importantly, the one thing I hope owners take away from the greatest podcast I’ve ever done is that all of you make the league what it is, so sincere thanks!
In the meantime, the round-the-clock fantasy football experience known as #GMRRFFA doesn’t stop – even with all the autographs I’m signing this morning – and power rankings are due. In fact, as if I planned it to coincide with the podcast appearance, these are YOUR power rankings, a fun new exercise where owners and others get to choose the power rankings. This was fun – you know I love Google forms – so I wanted to dive in (though I had to prep my own rankings as if I was doing this without your input – see them on the side).
In any case, we had 11 voters – and so you know, I did a point system like college football polls: 10 points for each 1st place vote, 9 for 2nd place votes all the way down to 0 points for teams deemed unrankable. Power rankings are ultimately determined by highest number of points.
That said, let’s get in on the action and the results below:
14. Bad Journeys (Smeet)
Points: 1
Record: 0-4
Last Ranking: 14th
Analysis: The #Smeet stank stretches beyond alleged bias from your commish – a near unanimous unrankable squad (please guess who ranked him 10th) and the lone winless team in #GMRRFFA. #Smeet’s upset potential was thwarted again in Week 4 when #Fitztragic faced the greatest Defense of our time and now, at least for one week, #Smeet is going with Blake Bortles against Tito Galen. That said, and I can’t spend any more time on #Smeet after this, he has nice role players like Ekeler, Allison and Boyd, but obviously I’m not having any faith in a team averaging less than 100 points per week. Sorry, move along…
14. In Bob Mueller we Trust (Toby)
Points: 2
Record: 1-3
Last Ranking: 13th
Analysis: Meanwhile, the league dumpster fire has more in-league highlights on non-game days than Sundays and Mondays. I’m not sure how one voter chose him 9th, outside of a secret bromance that most owners in the league will never understand. For a team averaging just 102 points per week, its pretty clear Toby’s season is over. More so, he literally has one asset (man-crush Juju) so even his 2019 looks dubious, which is why I’m glad I don’t even need to spend time talking him in to a heist this season. Bad times ahead for this guy, and not sure how he digs out of this hole.
12. Vienna Sausages (The Sausage King)
Points: 7
Record: 1-3
Last Ranking: 10th
Analysis: Despite having the most popular content on #GMRRFFA among Filipino readers (seriously, like 5% of riffrafffootball.com visitors are from the Philippines), the not-much-discussed story of the King’s season has been a steady decline in performance. In the last two weeks, Jonny is averaging just 101.5 points in losses, dangerously close to the #Smeet/Toby level of porous fantasy performances. I think if he wasn’t a weekly contributor and entertaining in the WhatsApp chat, we’d all be comfortable writing off his season (I’m getting there), but with AB and Keenan Allen plus Le’Veon Bell’s potential return, the Sausage King might still have a pulse. That said, dropping a second consecutive Rivalry match-up to Fredo this week could lead to a personnel change, where co-owner Larry takes the reigns officially. It’ll also be interesting to see when the King decides to start selling those assets.
11. Dead Sea (Unicorn)
Points: 7
Record: 1-3
Last Ranking: 12th
Analysis: He has 7 points, like the Sausage King, but gets the #11 spot because he actually received a 7th place vote, besting Jonny’s best poll position of 8th. The Unicorn’s 2018 looks eerily similar to 2017 through four weeks, starting 0-3 before winning in Week 4. Unfortunately, Silvio doesn’t have Mike Evans and Nuk to carry his squad to a miraculous championship run (whoever does is a lucky soul). After a less-than-impressive win over Coop in Week 4, the Unicorn is fortunate to face off against perennial bottom feeder Toby this week, so theoretically he could climb to 2-3, but he only posted 116 in Week 4, just the 9th best score of the week and his squad is averaging just 106 points per week, 23 points below the league average. Week 5 may be a win, but he gets LKA! in Week 6, which could potentially be the first time one team in a weekly match-up doubles up its opponent.
10. Denver ponyboys (Carlos)
Points: 14
Record: 2-2
Last Ranking: 9th
Analysis: I’m not 100% sure I understand this ranking, especially after a Week 4 win while dropping 146 points and averaging 131 points per week. Even more impressive, Carlos still has Melvin Gordon, Tyreek Hill, and Zac Ertz along with Jordy Nelson averaging 15 points a game in the Black Hole, all while Leonard Fournette is injured and Tom Brady hasn’t been quite as good as years past. The big issue for Carlos beyond Fournette’s status (out this week), is giving up Tarik Cohen for TY Hilton, who’s now injured. Utilizing Cohen in his line-up while Fournette is out might’ve made more sense with the emergence of Nelson (though how can you predict a player you trade for is immediately injured – well, unless you got the guy from #Smeet).
9. The Pain Train (Fredo Maisel)
Points: 33
Record: 2-2
Last Ranking: 7th
Analysis: Fact: In Weeks 1 and 2, Golden Tate averaged 20.8 points per week on Fredo’s roster and, in Weeks 3 and 4, Chris Hogan averaged under five points on Fredo’s bench. Additionally, in the face of Fredo’s current two game losing streak, he’s lost by 19 and 16 points, respectively. From these points, I deduce that Fredo is the leading contender for the 2018 Kamara/Williams Award, for which I know he’d be happy to have won something. A loss this week to the Sausage King could send him in to a fit of rage, and essentially crush his season – weeks 6-9 feature 3-1 FIL, Tito Galen’s 3rd highest scoring team, and the 4-0 purveyor of Death LKA!).
8. Trubisky Business (Commish)
Points: 40
Record: 2-2
Last Ranking: 12th
Analysis: You’re all too kind – tied for the biggest leap in one week and all I did was beat proverbial punching bag Toby in Week 4. Little known fact, your illustrious commissioner is 2-0 when his kickers post positive point totals, so super duper excited about that. Unfortunately, my time in the top 8 is short-lived as I have 3-1 FIL, the high-scoring-even-if-not-appreciated-in-the-Wins-column Tito Galen, Coop, and Stabs over the next four weeks, meaning I could easily be 2-6 by November. Want more? I’ve beaten two teams with a combined 2-6 record and, in those wins, my opponents averaged just 85 points (that’s nearly 45 POINTS below the league average). So, don’t get use to seeing me here – I envision an epic consolation bracket battle ahead for this squad…
6th. (tie) Kerryon My Wayward Johnson (Coop)
Points: 64
Record: 2-2
Last Ranking: 6th
6th. (tie) The Big Gronkowski (Tito Galen)
Points: 64
Record: 1-3
Last Ranking: 3rd
Analysis: I’m just combining these two because they received the exact same vote among owners (1 3rd place, 5 4th place, 1 5th place, 2 6th place, 1 7th place, and 1 8th place), meaning they are identical in every way imaginable. They boast two of the more impressive lineups, but candidly, Tito Galen’s stout scoring is quite a feat, and only bad luck keeps him at 1-3 (a noticeable blemish for you voters but not for me). Coop had been consistent before dropping just 93 points in Week 4 yet a healthy Alshon Jeffrey and Dalvin Cook could make his team so much better. He has a few big match-ups in Dorne and Stabs over the next two weeks before a lay-up over the commish in Week 7. Stringing together a winning streak could make him a legit contender.
5th. Dorne Diredonkeys (Mark)
Points: 66
Record: 2-2
Last Ranking: 5th
Analysis: Dorne continues to baffle me this season and ended up tied for 66 points with FIL, who I moved up to sole possession of fourth largely due to a Week 4 win literally just 72 hours ago while VOTING was open. That said, a 2-2 Dorne being tied with FIL at fourth is likely a result of a vigorous social media and WhatsApp campaign by Mark to remain popular/viable in the eyes of voters. That said, Dorne remains a roster filled with holes – the RB sitch is literally an enigma every week – so who knows. Dorne could make a run, he doesn’t face one of the top four teams again until Week 9 (Stabs).
4th. Dude Where is My Carr? (FIL)
Points: 66
Record: 3-1
Last Ranking: 8th
Analysis: While voters put him closer to the 5-8 teams and not the 1-3 teams with his 66 points, FIL is quietly mustering a solid team this season, including a three game winning streak and now gets to face the easiest portion of his schedule, the commish, Fredo, and Toby, over the next 3 weeks. Seriously, aside from Matt Ryan’s insane play and Saquon Barkley humming along, the roster features no other top-10 ranked fantasy players, but when AJG and Robert Woods average 20 points each, its nearly impossible to sleep on FIL. I’m betting he’s 6-1 heading in to a Week 8 match-up with LKA!
3rd. Team Motley (Makese)
Points: 81
Record: 4-0
Last Ranking: 4th
Analysis: Its becoming abundantly clear Makese may be good this season, evident by voters and his record. He has legitimately high-quality wins over Dorne, Stabs, Unicorn and Fredo, meaning he hasn’t even played the real garbage of the league yet (add a few more Ws). His Week 4 performance – 160 points – suggests he could be a solid scorer every week (and not rely on other teams posting duds), but I remain baffled by his roster. Jared Cook is the #1 tight end in the league (drafted for $1), Cooper Kupp is the 6th best WR (acquired along with Joe Mixon and Sony Michel from the Sausage King for AB back in August), and Marshawn Lynch is playing like he’s 25 again, averaging 19 carries per game over the last three weeks. What’s more impressive, he’s got Demaryius Thomas (the most frustrating fantasy football player ever) and Josh Gordon as starters. I remain impressed, but even if he loses to LKA! this week, he still has Toby, #Smeet, and the Sausage King in 3 of the next 4 weeks, meaning he could be 7-2 (or better) before Week 10’s match-up with Tito Galen.
2nd. Let’s Eat a God Damn Snack (Stabs)
Points: 90
Record: 3-1
Last Ranking: 2nd
Analysis: Yadda Yadda Yadda… Stabs is a force in #GMRRFFA – 2nd highest scoring team, Todd Gurley, Bears Defense – and his team is only getting better with the return of Devonta Freeman this week. His team is so good that, when I offered him Sammy Watkins pre-Week 4, he said he has a roster of Sammy Watkins WRs, so he wasn’t interested (in the previous two weeks, Watkins averaged 19.5 points if that’s not telling). He easily won his Week 4 match-up WITH Theo Riddick as RB2. Get the f*ck out of here…
1st. LKA! (Garcia)
Points: 109
Record: 4-0
Last Ranking: 1st
Analysis: One vote shy of a complete sweep as the best team in the league among voters – ahem, Team Motley fans – there really isn’t much to say about the dominance exhibited by LKA! Last week, Tito Galen dropped 156 points on these guys, and still lost by near 30. Looking ahead, the Week 5 match-up will be fun, at least for the first half of the early Sunday games, but it’ll be short-lived. Did you know LKA! has top-10 players at RB1, RB2, WR1, WR2, and TE? His Flex player – Dede Westbrook – averages 14 points per game and his QB is Aaron Rodgers. I remember once upon a time he had Chris Hogan as a glaring weakness, and LKA! swung that in to Golden Tate, the fourth-best WR in the league. Oy… get use to seeing this guy here until he chokes in the playoffs.
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