Oh boy, Week 8 was a doozy and we are officially in the homestretch of what we should all agree is a relatively even league. For example, with five weeks to go, every owner still holds a slimmer of hope of sneaking in to the playoffs, including 3(!!!) 2-6 teams. Still not convinced we are at parity? Check out the strength of schedule section below for further proof. In any case, on to a recap of the week that was.
London Sausages
Late Sunday morning, I couldn’t help but ask Vienna Sausages owner Jon if he intentionally left Browns Quarterback Deshone Kizer in his starting line-up over Matthew Stafford. Kizer had unceremoniously been benched for the immortal Kevin Hogan earlier this season and posted an astounding 4.9 points between Weeks 4 through 7, yet Jon had him starting against the vaunted Minnesota Vikings in London on an early kickoff (9:30 am). Jon responded that he hadn’t checked his line up until well after kickoff and yet, Kizer dropped nearly 15 points on the Vikings. Not quite Stafford’s 21 points later that day, but easily enough to soundly beat down first place Dorne Diredonkeys by 40 points (LeVeon Bell and Will Fuller had a role in that but still). Don’t call Jon brave; its fantasy football and a nice reminder that luck has a lot to do with the league.
The Doyle Kelce History Making Day
I lost to ASOMIF this week which was a bummer, but I was concerned I was in trouble when the Tampa Bucs couldn’t score against Carolina’s defense, LeSean McCoy ran over Oakland, and it was downpouring for the Cowboys –DC football team match-up (I have Cousins), but I knew I was toast when Indy Tight End Jack Doyle dropped 32 points on Sunday. Down 50+ going into Monday, Chiefs Tight End Travis Kelce put up an awesome 28 points in vein. What’s interesting? It’s the first time in a head-to-head match-up that starting tight ends from opposing teams posted the highest point totals for their teams in the history of the league (and all of fantasy football). Sad though as I dropped to 5-3, meaning my post-season aspirations took a severe hit.
Denver Made a Move
Last week, I noted Carlos’ Denver ponyboys had made just one transaction all season – a trade for Dak Prescott – and hadn’t used one dollar for a free agent acquisition. Well, Carlos officially broke his V-card picking up Chargers back-up Austin Ekler (who?), who dropped an unimpressive 3.1 points over the weekend in a resounding 60 point loss to Kaeptain America and Josh McCown (yikes). What’s worse? Carlos kept DeShaun Watson on the bench for Dak (understandably), who went on to post just 6.6 points compared to Watson’s 44.7… The 38 point difference in quarterbacks didn’t necessarily cost Carlos, but its less than ideal to see a bench player post nearly 45 points during the week. Through the season, Watson produced the second highest points total for a bench player, following only Russell Wilson, who ironically dropped 47 points this weekend in the same game for ANUS (who at least won comfortably).
The Porn Industry is Back in Business
For those of you concerned that Pete’s Wholesale Porn Dealers would fold up shop following 3 straight losses, don’t look now, but the dealer himself is dropping a load of wins on the competition, winning two straight against Kaeptain America and this week Shut the Luck Up, two playoff-bound teams treated like Snapchat video subscription girls by the ultimate Hustler.
A Team Has No Wins
Guess what? ATHNN lost again, marking his fifth straight loss – the longest streak in the league – and poor Brett’s season is careening faster than President Trump’s legal defense. Last week, I noted he had one of the top scoring weeks despite a loss, but this week was straight garbage as he posted the second lowest score of the week. Coop’s still in it, one game out of the playoffs, and just two match-ups against .500 or better teams remaining, but things are looking bleak. His team has the horses, but Cam Newton has been a shell of his 2015 self, Amari Cooper only catches balls when I bet on the Chiefs, and his best keeper (Jamison Crowder…seriously) is probably hurt, which encapsulates his season in a nutshell. Poor Coop; this is a curse for his inflammatory anti-Yankees social media rhetoric last week.
Trade Deadline
Today is the NFL trade deadline, so keep an eye on some players moving around, like STLU’s Jay Ajayi moving to the Eagles, likely to get hurt and wind up on IR this week. Also, bad news for STLU, who literally is praying Andrew Luck returns to save his season (guess what? He’s not), Trevor Simien is about to be benched so make sure to clear a roster spot for Paxton Lynch. Owners, keep an eye on trades as they may impact your roster for the next few weeks. For those wondering, our league trade deadline is Thursday, November 30th at 12 am ET, so you still have a month of offers to decline from me (stay excited!).
Can Strength of Schedule Tell Us Anything About the Playoffs?
A lot happened this week with teams moving all over the board but here’s a breakdown if the season ended today (top 8 make it):
1. Dorne (6-2)
2. Kaeptain (6-2)
3. The Big Angry and Often Misunderstood Gronks (5-3)
4. Vienne/London Sausages (5-3)
5. Trubisky Business (5-3)
6. STLU (5-3)
7. ANUS (4-4)
8. Denver Ponyboys (4-4)
9. Wholesale PornDeals (4-4)
10. ATHHNWins (3-5)
11. ASOMIF (3-5)
With that said, I had a real worthless hour long meeting that could’ve been summed up via two emails, so I took a look at strength of schedule plus teams facing the most number of projected playoff teams in the next five weeks, and there’s parity. First, both myself and Toby still have FOUR potential playoff teams remaining on our schedules, but everyone else has 2-3 remaining (3: ANUS, Vienna, Porndealers, Dorne, Stabs, Denver, and STLU; 2: lonely on a cruise Gronks, Men’Julio, ATHNWins, ASOMIF, and Motley crew). With parity and everyone remaining within striking distance of a playoff spot, I didn’t feel like this gave an accurate assessment of the toughest roads to the post season, so I looked at remaining schedules and here’s what I found… all 14 teams face opponents with 17 and 23 wins remaining – that 6 win differential is markedly closer than our 2016 season at this point (9 win differential between all 14 teams).
Here’s a breakdown of Strength of Schedule remaining:
23-17 – Trubisky Business and Toby
22-18 – Porndealers and Vienna Sausages
21-19 – Dorne, STLU, and Denver ponyboys
20-20 – Stabs
19-21 – ANU and Men’Julio
18-22 – ATHNWins
17-23 – ASOMIF, Makese and secretly introverted Gronkowski
Combining both of these stats, its pretty clear Toby and I have the toughest road ahead on paper (which is why my loss this week hurt like a night out for Pete in Vienna).
On the flip side, pining for a warmer climate Gronks actually have a nice road ahead, already facing both division leaders this season and big point maker ANUS; its also worth noting that the two remaining playoff teams on his schedule started Trevor Simien and Deshon Kizer last week…
Big Match-ups this week
Ok, I’m over 1,200 words this week, so here’s a quick preview of Week 9… the biggie is the two division leaders – Dorne and Kaeptain – squaring off. A win for either is HUGE – both teams hold tiebreakers over the 2nd and 3rd place teams in their division, so they’re essentially up two games (not one), so a win puts them in a great spot to take their divisions… Vienna and Trubisky square off in must wins. I’m secretly hoping Jonny utilizes Kizer again, but we both have our top RBs on a bye this week (and Chris Thompson faces Seattle, so that’s good for me), but we both need wins… ANUS and the ponyboys are both strong teams but just 7th and 8th in seeding with 3 teams just one game behind for those last spots, so a win is mandatory… ATHNWins faces Men’Julio, if he loses, he may have to go on sabbatical…
Good luck this week and remember; only one commissioner would dare offer a 1,400 word recap of Week 8 in your fantasy league for your viewing pleasure, so don’t forget cash tips, beer and porn are all welcome for the holidays…
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